TLDR: A stream of consciousness ramble about my current state of mind
For the past few months, I’ve had a regular rhythm. I’ve worked from home for a company I’ve been at for ten years, in a new role there that I started on the first of April (yes, I started a new role, in a new team, on the 1st of April).
With that move has come some personal and professional challenges. I’ve needed to adapt to new team members, new cadences of work, and have had a number of projects handed over to me that have required considerable mental effort and hurdle jumping to maintain and enhance. At the same time, I’ve had to make sure that whatever breaks is fixed in a timely manner.
It has been a trial by fire. Those are my days. On Monday evenings I have some fun on Splinterlands TV, and each other evening I’ve been teaching myself Python very slowly and methodically using a course called 100 Days of Code.
Among this, I’ve established an interest in Formula 1, and spend an absurd amount of time playing Gran Turismo 7 with my Logitech G29 steering wheel - following my previous, historical post where I ruthlessly panned the game. After trying the alternatives, the driving model is second to possibly only Asseto Corsa, but that lacks the accessibility and pick up and play of Gran Turismo 7.
I’ve spent 60 odd hours driving virtually, and in that time, covered nearly 12000 km. On the flip side, I purchased my real-car in 2014, and it only has 50500 km on it. While I can’t tear around a circuit in that at in excess of 150km/h (and it would be foolish to do so given current fuel pricing) - it is something that will likely require replacement in the next 3-5 years.
On the periphery of all this, I’ve longed for my creative side to be exposed, nurtured, and expanded but with the ever-lingering threat of plague, feminine and financial pestilence, I’ve had to moderate my desire to hire models, conduct elaborate, staged, photographic expeditions and continue to learn how to create garments out of expensive fabrics.
I don’t think it is yet time for a mid-life crisis, but perhaps it is time for a purge - to assess my priorities and focus on what matters most to me, and what provides me with the greatest satisfactions.
There’s no secret that I motivated by stretching every bit of currency that I obtain to the fullest extent, except for when it applies to my passions - where I tend to justify spending and consumption with wreckless abandon. Sometimes, all it takes to be happy is to pour one’s heart out onto their sleeve, then onto a page, or perhaps a blockchain, as I do here.
Over recent days (and the coming days) I’ve had a myriad of social engagements, after two months of practically not leaving the house, and I’m utterly exhausted. I am an introvert through and through, and while reconnecting with friends has been an enjoyable experience (and one I hope to do again in the future) - interaction and engagement with other human beings drains my energy and motivations to no end.
This is why my streaming schedule has become somewhat more erratic, I’m taking the time to decompress and spend time with my thoughts, which leads to a post like this. I tend to engage any thing new with incredible fervour and motivation, and can easily go through phases of burn out and shining brilliance.
If you look back through my prolific post history enough, you’ll certainly see this. My focus ping-pongs between topics, themes and other items, until I get to the level of competence where I feel as though I’ve found a natural plateau. I plan to be barely competent in as many things as possible, and highly competent in a select few.
The issue is that I strive for an absurd level of brilliance in all that I do, and am often disappointed when my grandiose self-visual actions in my future actions or achievements do not end up rendered as an elaborate fresco in reality.
This text is a way of placing my ramblings into the open domain, a common insight into the brain that lingers behind this username and has spilled forth these words.
I’m okay, I was just feeling like a ramble.