I know I've been somewhat absent for over a week. Sorry. Happy Hive Power Up Day, Happy April Fools, etc.
I don't like writing about deeply personal issues. Even though this is at least a pseudo-anonymous platform, I'm just not the sort of person who wants to broadcast his struggles and challenges to the world. I've been online long enough to know that trolls and other bad actors are also always on the hunt for any perceived weakness, and I apparently have a habit of making enemies among such sociopaths. However, as someone of medium age (thanks for the term, 
I do not have the best relationship with my father. I never did. I have mentioned my struggles with chronic health issues, in a few posts, but in short, I have since been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, which explains the "brain fog," chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and low stamina for sports. I wasn't obviously crippled, but there was still a very real handicap holding me back. Invisible illness with at best a vague diagnosis is not helpful. I don't know whether I also had food allergies then, or they were and adult-onset thing, but if a low-grade dairy reaction in my digestive system was adding to the burden, it may help further explain matters.
As a result of these then-unknown health issues, my father always saw me as forgetful, lazy, and disobedient instead of understanding my struggle. Condemnation is always easier for people than compassion, and this applies to many people in many situations. We may unknowingly revert to this lazy level of analysis ourselves. Watch for that instinct, and fight it.
He has also never been very good at communicating what he means with what he says, and asking questions for clarification was usually received as me being stupid or stubborn, while muddling through as best I could often meant doing things wrong, resulting in scolding. It was a lose-lose situation. This kind of toxic environment breaks people. You may also see it in business, in church, or in your own family.
I have recently been helping him with some outdoor chores again, and the old patterns emerged just like decades before. However, along with the rage this unjust attitude sparked, there were other thoughts. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, God is often depicted in fatherly terms. Many people inside and outside the church seem to see God as a caricature of this kind of dysfunctional authoritarian.
- Do as I say, not as I do
- Nothing you can do is good enough
- Anything you do will be punished
- You are guilty for that which is beyond your control
- We are all sinners in the hands of an angry God.
This is at best an incomplete theology, especially from the perspective of the Christian message of mercy and salvation. After all, even my dad isn't all bad. For example, he has always been a provider for the family. Blue-collar work is honest work, and there is no shame in his career. And while he never seemed to have compassion for my struggles, I never really thought he hated me.
I know many people whose fathers were neglectful or just plain absent. How much harder is it for them to connect with stories of a loving God who provides for the needs of His people? The Gospel story tells of a God who came to provide salvation. He knows we can't meet His standards, so He also offers us a path to restoration.
The fire-and-brimstone preachers of the past and the Christian Nationalists of today want to make God in the image of an abusive, angry father out to condemn and punish, forgetting to temper this with mercy, forgiveness, healing, charity, and loving their neighbors as they love themselves. Can you hold yourself to this higher standard?
I hope these rambling thoughts brought something productive and useful from a frustrating and infuriating experience.Comment with the good, the bad, or the ugly from your family and faith experiences.
If you're not on Hive yet, I invite you to join through InLeo or PeakD. If you use either of my referral links, I'll even try to delegate some Hive Power to help you get started.