Coming from the land of Bollywood which is a ‘musical manufacturing machine’, you might think that I am lying when I say I absolutely hate musicals! But I am not.
To me, nothing makes sense about them and I think a lot of you might agree with me, but then again, when have movies ever followed logic, or even the laws of physics for that matter.
Still that doesn’t change the fact that there are so many things in a musical that just seem odd and in some cases, plain stupid! I can’t help but cringe the entire duration that a musical is up on the screen right in the middle of a movie.
My friends think that I always overreact but how can I not, when there are so many things wrong with them musicals! Let’s talk about some of these.
1. Everyone Knows The Steps
A musical usually starts with the main characters who suddenly out of nowhere, start to sing and dance and instead of giving them odd looks, the bystanders decide to join in.
I mean if you were walking down the road and someone near you, started singing loudly and dancing in a well rehearsed manner, would you go, “Huh! You know what? I need some random dancing on the street today. Let me join in.”? No! You would avoid them awkwardly!
And that is not even the cringeworthy part. The bystanders all know the dance steps and all of them dance as if they were high school mates and danced in the same dance group with perfect synchronicity and with cheesy expressions on their faces!!
2. How Do They Know The Lyrics
For a second, we can even imagine people just copying the main character’s dance steps in real time and let the dance steps thing pass. To a certain extent, it can be managed, but what about the lyrics?
We all know that different characters in a musical have their own lyrics to sing. So, if a main character is walking down an alleyway, singing the first paragraph of the song, a random person in a house nearby opens his windows and starts singing the next paragraph!
How does he know when to open his windows? Was he stalking the main character? And more importantly, how does he know the lyrics? Or was he just singing whatever came to his mind….you know, freestyle and stuff!
3. Where's The Music Even Coming From
At a party or at any other event where music is playing and people are dancing, you can always see huge speakers and you immediately know where the music is coming from.
In a musical however, there are all sorts of instruments playing, and yet, you neither see any real-time instrument players nor there is a speaker/mic in sight. So, where does the music come from?
Why do the people in a musical not question the invisible source of music and start running away from the sorcery instead of giving in and having a gala time. I mean would you just start having a fun time if suddenly there was music all around? No! You would freak out and think that it was the work of the aliens!!
4. Animals Singing? What?
It was not enough for them to have humans singing and dancing. They had to go ahead and add animals to the mix! I bet you have seen all sorts of Disney musicals where animals of various variety join the main characters in their performances.
Yeah, I get that it is cute and all but do you know what I think when I see a dog singing in a musical? “Gosh, those people are stupid. If I was them, I would take that dog away. A talking dog is a guaranteed way to get rich!”
Imagine the chaos if animals started singing in the real world. Your cat could finally be able to communicate to you clearly that it intends to kill you in your sleep!! hah!