(Don't go clutchin' your pearls. This is satire.)
Let's see, how do these usually start? Right, a proclamation of identity. This is to detail about myself, which will make me less Everyman, and ironically, give me more in common with the reading audience.
I'm an American, child of divorce (which is practically a requirement to be American), born in 1978, so I'm in that thin slash between Generation X, which finished in 1977, and the Millennials (who do not answer to "Those damned..."), who started in 1985. Sociologists quibble about whether we're called Generation Y, Echo Boomers, or Xennials. I prefer Gen Y because I prefer to distance myself from Boomers, and that "combine X and Millennial" travesty of a neologism is just... no. We were at the forefront of the "participation trophy" movement, which means that there is likely a box somewhere at our parents' house that is chock full of them that we only put on our shelves because our parents shelled out money for us to be in Little League and dammit, they wanted something to show for it.
We aren't really bitter about it, because we honestly didn't give a toss. We were the generation that was the target demographic for Atari and Nintendo and ColecoVision, that saw the birth of the Nintendo vs. Sega debate that was as savage and passionate as Ford vs. Chevy. We were the generation that had to cultivate multi-modal literacy because suddenly movies were being shown in class, we had computers that wouldn't bankrupt your family, satellite dishes that would get broadcasts from the other side of the world, and eventually bulletin board systems and America Online. We were the guinea pigs for the internet.
My generation's kinda awesome.
We also kinda suck.
We don't feel entitled, because like the Baby Busters before us (the generation between the Baby Boom and Gen X), we got shafted. Like them, we busted our asses and still didn't get what we thought we deserved.
So we're kinda cynical. We're kinda hopeful, too. Like the American dialect of English, we're a mess of contradictions, and if it's given us anything? It's shown us how to see the unwritten rules in the system.
Now We Start a New Section
Yeah, this is where I start talking about Steemit. Unlike a lot of other peeps, I honestly don't care what you do with your blog. As long as you're not hurting anyone, go for it. Not that you need my permission, Steemit is the Stanford Prison Experiment where everyone's a guard and prisoner at the same time depending on their mood that day. There are rules, sure, but it's the social mores you have to worry about, the rules everyone generally follows that dictate proper behavior, and these tweak and bend depending on the poster, their rep, SP, etc.
And if you think this is singular to Steemit I've got a bridge to sell you.
It's been going on for millennia. Patronage, commissions from wealthy benefactors, angel investors, venture capitalism, and it's done by political elite, religious institutions, what have you, and they all have the same general unwritten rules.
It's the same in academia, which is generally a viper pit, but where I learned to navigate it best? The Romance community. Seriously. If you want to experience an industry where everyone's your best friend and loves you dearly but will put a knife in your back the moment it benefits them, you need look no further than Romance. Everything you tweet, post, and write is a high-wire act, and 95% of the time you're lucky to be unnoticed.
You Know Works Too? A Numbered List!
It's the same here, from what I've seen, with shouting of all kinds on too many sides to count. What I've learned?
- Bust your ass on every post because anything less is a shitpost and shitposters can burn in hell because the lack of quality posts is killing this platform and quality, not quantity, should be rewarded. HOWEVER, don't you dare expect a single upvote, you entitled little sh-
- Bot votes and bid-bots are the worst thing that ever happened to Steemit and they're ruining the platform. Bid bots and bot votes are literally the only way your post is going to get any kind of ROI so save your 5 SBD for that Smartsteem bid. Vote-selling is a cardinal sin, but please delegate us all of your SP so we can sell our votes for more.
- Don't attack the whales in your posts, it's shitty to bite the hand that feeds you. Attacking the whales will get your post attention, they were never going to feed you anyway.
- Stop posting depressing crap, no one cares about the time you attempted suicide. F***, what's with the 11th game review post, why don't you post something real???
- Don't upvote your own posts because it's bad form. Why aren't you upvoting your own stuff, aren't you proud of it?
- Dude, don't upvote your own comments, that's justification for being shot. Dude, it's your voting power, upvote whatever the F you want.
- Stop posting "Steemit 101" guides, you're literally repeating what 8000 people have posted before and there's a FAQ for God's sake, and even if it does rack up views it'll be a week after when it will no longer make you any money. Just post a "Steemit 101" post every 45 minutes and it will always be new and no one RTFM and those can rake in big returns.
- Don't enter in contests, the potential reward will never equal the sweat equity and the exposure is laughable. Enter in every contest you can because it's the only way to get exposure, get followers, and possible upvotes, but still don't you dare expect any upvotes you entitled little sh-
- Stop posting so much, quality =/= quantity. Post and self-upvote every 2.4 hours if possible because that's what the whales do, isn't it?
- Don't post long rants about the behavior of fellow Steemians because it makes you look like an asshole, gets downvotes, and loses you followers. Post long rants about fellow Steemians who do exactly what you're doing because it'll get resteems galore and everyone will love you in the comments.
I could do this all day. I'm American, this is our national talent.
Using Headings to Make This Seem Organized
So is everyone an asshole here? Is that what I'm saying? Of course not.
This is a weird territory. There are fantastic communities who couldn't give less of a damn about Steemit politics, and communities of people who make their living talking about Steemit politics. This is a place where everyone's trying to hustle, and everyone just wants to be taken seriously. This is where someone will wail about how their hard-written post... not that it didn't get a ton of upvotes, but that it didn't get a ton of views. Getting a comment from someone new that isn't spam can be the best part of a Steemian's day. But then, they might write a post that gets 330 upvotes but only 8 views, and not give a damn because dolla-dolla. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
That does not make them a bad person, by the way.
Does that mean I hate this place? I wouldn't be posting here or telling friends to sign up if that were the case. It's more akin to people-watching while I try to make posts every weekday. Just like with the weather in Chicago or following Romance writers on Twitter, if you don't see any drama incoming, just wait ten minutes. :)
((Just imagine there's a bunch of custom logos here))
/rant
/satire
/whatever