I recently published my first book. A coloring book. But not your average coloring book. A very adult coloring book

Why did I create sad girl adult coloring book?

Well, as you can see from the intro it was partially inspired by losing my best friend less than a year ago. But most of the inspiration for the actual content came from my history of sexual and emotional abuse, and neglect from toddler to adult. I was molested and raped by my father and another relative for many, many years. I recently cut ties with the entire family and started vocalizing my story and my pain. But I wanted a way to visually express this as I am very much a visual artist. I also wanted it to be engaging enough to hold the user's attention, which is why an adult coloring book was perfect for me. TW Self harm coming up in one of the pages

Initially it was actually going to be called "Daddy issues"a nd be related entirely to just that but after about 5 daddy-related pages I just couldn't focus on that one aspect of my pain any longer so it evolved into "Sad Girl" and incorporates daddy issues as well as much more, such as self-harm, and depression.

I started out strong with the daddy issue theme in the first page:

and continued with it in the second:

Two of my favorite but the most dark pages were a result of my boyfriend asking me when I was going to do more pages of my book one too many times while I was in a very deep depression. Unable to even get myself out of bed for days at a time. I woke up, made these next to pages, and pretty much was like "Here, pages." and went back to bed.

(he hasn't. nobody has.)

This next page is my absolute favorite in the entire book. It is so vulgar. And to me illustrates how most friend and acquaintances will literally watch a person fall apart entirely and will brush it off with a simple "I'm okay". Especially when you are in a party circle. I have been, in the past, obviously a complete wreck and was able to go about the business of destroying my body and life with nobody really questioning it and even encouraging insane amounts of alcohol ingestion.

And then I threw this one in just for an aesthetically pleasing complex page for coloring.

And the book ends where it began

Fun fact: The writing on this page originally read "Fuck you, Daddy" but I de-daddyized it when I decided to make a more brought book. I like this ending much better.*

So, I got the book self-published and it is now on amazon and many other retailers and the quality is awesome. I almost cried when I got my proof copy. I also have almost cried a few times when getting messages from girls who have been abused and read the intro and maybe read my story online and got the book and really, really, relate to it and tell me it helps them mentally to color it. It is seriously the most fulfilling thing I have ever done.

Someone asked me why I would want someone to stop believing in me. I thought it was a good question so I am adding the answer I left in the comments here as well. In case anyone else has no idea.:

"I guess it's hard to explain if you haven't been there but the best reason I can come up with is because when stuck in very deep depression, the pressure of a person believing in me is too much and I legitimately feel I am useless/worthless in those times and I hate seeing people believe in me because in my mind I will let them down so I would rather be left to hermit alone with nobody having any expectations of me. I don't, of course, feel that way all the time but I do when in my worst depressions. "