Woke up feeling like a big white pimple ready to pop. I know, thats a disgusting visual. Imagine feeling like one. Pressure from oneside, the other, and the natural pressure from below, the healing process bringing it all to the surface to be dealt with. Big Ol Whitey.
I feel it all.
I never realized I was rascist, maybe you dont realize you are either. Rascism is more than a hate or anger. It can show up as pity or guilt too. Approaching someone of color and not knowing whether to look at them and smile or look away... why is that even a worry? Do they need my smile more than any other person coming out of the grocery store? Is that smile going to help them "forgive whites"? They dont need my pity, and my guilt doesn't help anything either. To be honest, this is all such a new revelation that I dont know what they need, besides for me to address my own rascism.
Someone pointed my rascism out the other day... and my defenses shot up. Like anything else I had to ask myself why I got so defensive. Was it true? I needed to reflect.
I also feel a deep pain at the ideas and feelings native and indigenous people have about whites. Why? They are certainly allowed and well warranted. It hurts because I have identified with a part of my soul that is indigenous, and although I am white in this incarnation, I feel that deeply, but I would not be welcomed in Circle, and there is a certain homesickness this illicits.
Its important to remember that we incarnated as this person on Purpose. Knowing who we were, can be helpful in healing wounds, but ultimately, we should focus on who we are Now.
Its highly likely, that if you recognize that you came in with a mission in this lifetime that is bigger than your individual self, and you acknowledge that you chose to incarnate as a white person, or a person of color... you are here to help heal these deep painful wounds. You can not heal them by looking away and staying quiet. They can only be healed by having those difficult and uncomfortable conversations, that may show you, in a very unflattering light, the parts of yourself you didnt want to look at.
Be brave and brace your self.
Humility and Honesty.
One Love
(((💖)))