Good Morning Steemit.
Again, that challenge of, coming here and writing while ideas are fresh early in the day before being sidetracked by social media and personal messages.
Something I keep thinking about as a writing subject. I have these ongoing conversations with others in my own mind. Things I would say or write about, for serious publication. HEALING. I mean, real, deep, transformational, knock down drag out looking at your shit, processing it and getting through all the issues as a goal. For some I think, it is a very long term goal as this process involves many past lives and their issues all backed up into one wounded block.
We were talking about this in my support group recently. Also what comes from my healing material, Right Use of Will. Which, after a breakdown over five years ago, I have not visited for many years now. But it remains foundational to my healing process. I think, a lot of ... 'religions' or, organized thought about our soul path believes that lives flip flop. That Karma exists. You know. If you are a victim in one life you will be a perpetrator in another life. I saw this when I was analyzing astrological charts for Nicole and OJ Simpson and the murder trial back around 1994.
But, from my own experience and the RUOW material. (Maybe this is just SOME people? More and more I get a sense that there are two main types of human beings. Indigos and non Indigos, sorry if that seems racist. Maybe I can use it as a doorway for another post). This one group of humans that I feel I belong to, we seem to be stuck in the same pattern from life to life. Call it 'Original Cause' (RUOW 101). Its the idea that you were imprinted from your first incarnations and experiences as a spiritual entity. It set the entire pattern all this time. I guess this might explain why, in RUOW, so many of us fragmented with First Experience and never looked back. Part of that was misunderstanding and judgment about what it all meant.
Before I get going too far into tangents of explanation. I wanted to write about the healing process, about REAL HEALING. If you are serious about healing and changing your soul path.
I think its really hard for empaths, the ones who are given this task so often of carrying the rest of humanity in all of its HUMAN-Ness. The idea I think, is to stay the course. Like, we looked at what was ahead of us, from our soul and spirit's perspective ... what it was going to take. We knew what we were facing at or before our birth. God, in the RUOW books says it (this healing) is nearly impossible!
So why.
I was thinking about this this morning.
Why. What is the payoff. What is the goal?
What is it you WANT to get out of your own healing? What are you holding out for?
And what is really possible... I think that is part of discovering what you want. Rather than always having to make choices from a multiple choice test: are there other options or other possibilities other than the ones we can envision or especially, all of the things we've ALREADY encountered? Things we might settle for because relatively speaking, they might be better paths or options than other paths. But without knowing that there might be WAY more out there to create for ourselves, once we get ourselves back... your choices seem way more limited than they probably really are.
So I was thinking about what I want.
Its always what I wish for, when the Moon is in the right placement or, there is magic around. Healing for my physical body, for my entire being. Finding completion and wholeness. Full Consciousness is the goal for Right Use of Will healing work, as defined by the books. You have to recover all of yourself.
Again I was thinking about this issue of, staying the path.
As an empath I soak up feelings from others. But it is very possible that I misinterpret a LOT of them. Or not?
I'm talking about, when your process becomes too much for others around you to deal with, or you think it has. And there's pressure to give up. When you feel like you've become a total nuisance and worse, to the people in your environment. To your family and friends. Really, to those that resist the healing changes YOU came here to make, quite possibly because they benefit from you being sick somehow?
I have always thought ... things change when the way they have been no longer serves us.
And yet, I KNOW that things as they have been no longer serves me. I found this one a long time ago. So I'm always wondering lately WHY am I not in a better position? For all the work I have done. Why is it that it seems I only keep getting 'worse' rather than getting better? Well ... maybe it still comes down to not having gone deep enough. (Jupiter is in Scorpio)!! To sort out what is holding on to things that don't serve us and letting these things go. Like, maybe the judgment that I am in control, when maybe I have not been in control. As in, compromised from the inside out for a very long time. Possibly since birth. Again there's that big picture perspective that can be so hard to see at times. You pretty much have to get through it all, or get through enough of it to even SEE it. Our universe is full of such paradoxes.
ALL of these issues come up to process. Along with the issues themselves, the trauma and wounds THEMSELVES that have nothing to do with those 'distractions.'
I've been doing this for a LONG time now.
Consciously since... my Saturn Return in 1995. No, way before that even. About the time I was wrapping up high school and graduating, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Early 1980's. Realizing, hey... there are issues here that might really get in the way of ANY life path.
When I had my breakdown in 2012, to my absolute bafflement of why my life partner suddenly changed! How my pretty great marriage went from what it had been to having the rug pulled out from under my entire life. We had been committed to a life path of sustainability and healing. Safe space to just BE, is really what I think we were both committed to, for ourselves and our children. CHANGE, from none of that being valued by the world at large? I asked him what happened. Why did he abandon all of that, 15 years of marriage? Without even a warning. For being so psychic, ha ha. I totally did not see it coming.
He said, because it had never "paid off" for us.
As if, he had given it enough of his time and effort. Like there had been a deadline?
Also I think he was looking at it somehow as a monetary measurement. I am dismayed that this is actually a yardstick for progress and success. Perspective I guess, that comes from facing so many other things that have nothing to do with money. Humanity's denial.
Back to the subject of the article. Real healing.
I think it takes a huge amount of perspective to stay the course. (Also you might be lucky and have chosen certain, characteristics for your healing incarnation to help you ... like a tenacious Cancer planet or two, also throw in some Fixed Earth/Taurus energy. Not to mention Scorpio and its power to go deep, to follow through in death and yes, beyond. Maybe even some Aquarius energy for an ability to emotionally detach when things get really hard to cope with, others. Libra for balance, Leo for an ability to love unconditionally, even and especially yourself).
Perspective, yeah.
So maybe you are looking down the barrel of eons of lifetimes. And all of them have been playing out the same pattern, over and over again. All backed up into a big block of energy where this needs to change and level out to a more balanced existence. One way to look at it is, this is one lifetime, compared to all those others. If you are about to end your existence because you can't survive this pattern any longer, or say, if the future depends in part, on your ability to create it. Is it worth the investment of a single lifetime devoted entirely to healing it?
I mean, I think some of us knew this is what it was going to take.
So in the end it comes down to facing your responsibility. Even to yourself - coming to terms with whether or not you are worthy of such an investment. In your own self.
For me this is what I WANT, out of all this.
To experience myself as whole and free.
What would I be like? Who would I be? If I were free to manifest anything I wanted to be?
So I think, that of the two types of human beings. One of us has been ... absorbing the karma of the 'other' type for so long. I think this is why the single pattern for us. The other type of human that flip flops... what if they keep us from our evolution? What comes to mind is 'angel types' ... even God entities. Did you see my posts on Yaweh recently?
When I was writing that last one what came to mind was, human beings conspiring to trap God. To trap power for their own misuse. I am thinking this is some kind of a guilt contract from way back, the idea that maybe because of our power we have to give normal humans some kind of handicap allowance and hold ourselves back and or sacrifice ourselves for the world. Yes I know this is Lucifer talking here - MAJOR themes of human programming. Or major themes of angel programming.
I guess the real karma here is that humanity owes us. It owes us the time and the compassion for our healing. It owes us a place in our own world, a world we had a hand in creating. And to stop trying to use us and throw us off course for its own embellishment. Not that I believe it will be given or even appreciated. But then again ... what would I create if I had a hand in creating a better outcome than that?
So I guess I'm responding to all of the pressure around me to give up on myself. To let go of the guilt that it is taking too long or that there's too much to deal with. When looking at eons of time and past wounds ... yeah, there's a REASON there is so much! It certainly isn't loving to blame ourselves for that. Its not over 'til its over.
Stay the course.
I love you.
LR 5/31/2018
My first Yaweh post:
Yaweh the Archon
https://steemit.com/endtimes/@mymoontao/yaweh-the-archon
My second Yaweh post:
Original Sin
https://steemit.com/endtimes/@mymoontao/original-sin
Relevant! The Iron Giant: The Ace of Disks
https://steemit.com/tarot/@mymoontao/the-iron-giant-and-the-ace-of-disks
Moon photo taken from a Facebook friend's post.