"I listen to you daily and have been for months now. Previously I had been an on-again, off-again frequent listener since I believe 2013 or so (started with YouTube then navigated to your website.) Your wisdom and insight is invaluable, and I have called in before now twice. I am now a subscriber and have donated before. Thank you so much.
"The reason I wish to call in this time is because my relationship with the mother of my 3 children has finally come to an end, I hope for good. That is the plan, anyway. The short version just for this synopsis is that we have been slowly drifting apart for the last few months, and finally earlier this week she broke it off with me over text. This came after we were on 'non-speaking terms' following an incident where I called her a bitch for the way she was talking to me. We can speak more about that incident, but essentially, there was a catalyst, and she called it quits after that.
"I am not against the breakup - in fact, I am happy that one of us finally decided to make it happen. I have been feeling more and more contempt towards her over the years, and I am sure I felt it in her towards me as well. As you have mentioned many a time before, contempt towards one another is the final nail in the coffin in a relationship (forgive me if I am misconstruing that.) But, the major caveat in all of this is that we have 3 children together. So for my part, I had planned to stay together for their sake at least until they were older teenagers (they are currently 8, 6 and 5), but, and this is where the reason for my call really comes in, from my perspective she is incredibly unreasonable, illogical, and narcissistic or close to it. Therefore, instead of staying together for the kids, she believes she is a 'better mom and person' when she is single, and wants to separate, including living and parenting in separate households. I will present my arguments as to why she is not reasonable during our call, should you think it necessary. I am not one of those callers who will be painting the other person as the villain - that is not the case. I have my bad sides as well, and my flaws, and I am not always reasonable either.
"Stef, I am worried how co-parenting with her will proceed. We are still living together until the New Year. I should have no issue with my income getting a medium-sized place to live in where the kids can stay with me half of the time. There school routines should not change. I have a mother who is able to assist with child care as well as an aunt, and as a last resort we could afford a babysitter. In the logistics sense, therefore, there are no 'issues.' The real problem I need guidance with is how to navigate this co-parenting scenario for the next 10 or so years while the kids do not have their own free will to choose who to live with, because my fear is that if I don't appease her craziness to a certain degree, she will turn the kids against me or try something insane like moving outside of town or wasting money on Family Court to get me less access. There are also other concerns which I will talk to you about, of a different legal nature, causing me to be weary.
"What is the sweet spot for dealing with people like this - should I stick to my convictions on everything and face what may come from her irrational mind, for the sake of raising my kids the exact way I want, or is it not 'defeat' to make concessions where appropriate to avoid 'rocking the boat' too much?
"My previous calls were #3995 from Feb of 2018 and #5113 from February 5, 2023, if you want to refresh your memory of my situation overall. For your listeners, I hope they review all of these calls if they find themselves about to enter a serious relationship at a young age or with any woman, in general, who they have doubts about / have noticed red flags in ESPECIALLY if the prospect of having children with said woman is on the table. This is how your life could turn out if you do not heed the warnings, and heed the teachings of Stefan and philosophy! I hope this is the last call I ever need to make about this topic, and I hope it helps others. Lastly, I plan to come clean on a few things that I was not honest about in the call from a year and a half ago, because I am ready to embrace full honesty and truth. The burden of falsehood is too great, but not for myself, for my children."
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