My friend who listens to your show often recommended me to talk to you. I've seen videos and read your book. I am stuck on the treadmill of life. My wife got pregnant while we were 18 with my son. We got married and life has been hard ever since.
Early 30s, 5 ft 10, dark hair/eyes, fit lean build, young looking
TL;DR
I feel like a pathetic loser and single father. I know I'll be bitter forever but can't bring myself to finally leave her. None of my family/friends know other than 1 friend. Talked to lawyers. All of her friends/family/client's know. I see them and am ashamed. I have the lowest self respect ever. She has been berating me
years. She won't let me lead in any aspect. I have no frame. Why am I like this? Do I think I had my shot so now I need to take care of my sons? I don't want to see my kid's half as often? Is it because I've never been with another girl? Do I worry about her finding a new man or I won't find a new girl? How can I look my sons in the eye and tell them I wasn't strong enough to do what I recommend for them? She says she loves me. I love her, but this seems really unhealthy. Where is my masculine desire to leave? Am I the problem? Is she? Does she have BPD?
Backstory timeline:
High school, sophomore year. Ask her to be my gf immediately after she broke up with her boyfriend, she ended it the next day. It was because she was fooling around with her ex.
Time goes by, we start dating.
Our relationship is constant drama and roller coaster of emotions. We were both jealous of any interaction with the opposite sex.
She got pregnant Junior year but she miscarried. We still dated and she gets pregnant my first semester in college when I was thinking of breaking up with her.
We got married, lived with family for the first while with my son and then got an apartment. I had been bouncing around between part time jobs while going to school and she started her own company doing aesthetics. Mainly eyelashes.
I did poor in school. Hadn't grown up and wasn't being a man.
She goes to Aesthetic school and we both work evenings.
The cycle repeats of me getting a new job every year only to increase pay slightly and inching towards my degree. She continued with Aesthetics.
Have another son.
She had been inappropriately chatting with a friend of ours. She moves out and tells me we need some time apart and strings me along.
We start going to counseling. I think this can work. She starts seeing change in me. I asked her about any cheating which she lied about and I believed.
She tells me about cheating on me.
I'm furious but still attend counseling.
I'm done. Planning for divorce mentally. Checked out from the relationship.
We find out she's pregnant (with my kid) and decide we can make it work. She wants to stop counseling (but not tell the counselor she's pregnant.) I move into her apartment and shortly thereafter she has a stillborn birth at 26 weeks. We buy a house together and fix it up before moving in. She starts giving off hints that she doesn't think our relationship will work.
She decides to try and make it work but in order to do so she needs to tell the truth.
She tells me that the guy is a friend of mine. She saw him. They kissed. She tells me we only got back together because pregnant.
I'm mad, sleep downstairs, cut ties with multiple friends.
She says she will do whatever it takes to make it work. Time goes by.
I get a full time job and am still in school.
She is pregnant with my 3rd son.She finds out I've been looking at porn. Get kicked out of house. Live with parents.
I move back in. Get a full time salaried position making more than I've ever made by a decent amount.
Graduate with a degree in IS.
Last year shortly before summer she tells me she wants to get a divorce. Our relationship is a constant cycle, I don't try to get a better job, We don't make enough money, She thinks she's better off without me.
I try to become Superman. I go to counseling&coaching. I try to become a better father/man. Work on my career. Be better in every aspect. I'm checked out from the relationship. At my birthday dinner she says she wants to make it work AGAIN. While thinking/planning I'm just sitting in limbo not making a decision.
Things start looking up. Relationship is better than ever. Closer than ever. Spend time together. Help each other. Tells me she loves me more than ever. Cries because our sex is so good.
A few months ago she went to a concert with a girlfriend. Got blackout drunk, ended up kissing a random guy in a parking garage.
She says I should leave her. At the time I didn't really care. What's one more on the record?
I had been consuming red pill content over the past year and a half.
We find out our toddler is Autistic. Therapy/school is expensive.
We talk, she starts being better. Says she loves me.
I contact lawyer.
I left out some things due to word restriction.
Thank you
Number of years as a listener: Less than a year
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