Get ready for a two part call-in, first from the husband, and then the wife!
Part 2: https://fdrpodcasts.com/5800
"My wife and i are very likely getting divorced and i want to know my obligation to fight when it looks like to me the primary problem is just plain mental illness.
"The biggest problem we have is her delusions about me cheating, being on drugs, drugging her, and lying.
"None of this is real and it doesn't matter what evidence, logic, reason, common sense i use to show her its not true.
"She has a history of mental illness and was also in a bad car accident before i met her where her brain was badly injured. She was previously hospitalized for thinking her parents were coke dealers.
"She's been to see numerous therapists but never a clear diagnosis.
"Schizoaffective bipolar disorder was what her first psych said.
"Borderline personality disorder,
"PTSD,
"And / or Paranoid Personality Disorder are what make the most sense to me after 5 years with her and talking to several therapists / professionals.
"I'm also considering that she may just be a narcissist or some combination of all of the above.
"I am conflicted because other than these episodes of whatever this is we have a very amazing relationship. The majority of the time i am very happy with her and she says and acts like shes very happy with me. We can communicate about most issues and are oriented towards solutions. We have similar values, we agree on most things, our sex life is fantastic, we are always laughing and playing and putting each other first. I have never been happier than in my time with my wife and she usually says she feels the same.
"When she gets stressed out tho then i suddenly become an absolute monster in her eyes and she says the meanest nastiest things to me and tells me she's never been happy with me etc. She's been caught smoking cigs, which was a huge boundary for me. Hiding her drinking. And i am of course suspicious of her cheating after her constant accusations of me cheating but no tangible proof, just little things that seem fishy.
"After dealing with too many of these insane accusations and random fights i have moved out and asked for divorce. But its been a little over a month now and i miss her like crazy. Any attempts to talk with her have been heated, cruel, unproductive but in the past she has always come out of the fog eventually and been apologetic and reasonable so I hang on to a little hope that she will come to her senses again this time and be willing to actually talk.
"I do think there's just something wrong with her brain but i cannot get through to her how bad she keeps hurting me because in her mind these delusions about me cheating and hiding things are real. Or she's just a narcissist and playing sick games with me.
"I really love this girl but i can't have kids with her treating me like this. How can i get her help or do i just cut my losses and walk away?
"Her parents have always been very supportive and understanding in the past because they've been through these things with her themselves but they now seem to have cut me off and aren't replying to my attempts to talk to them anymore. They have always been a huge help in the past but now I'm assuming they're just sick of the drama and instead of facing how they messed their only kid up they are wanting to keep on good terms with her by cutting me out.
"I am going crazy with guilt, shame, remorse, anger, confusion, regret, sadness.
"Everyone in my life is telling me to just cut my losses and be grateful no kids are involved. I rationally know this is toxic but I took marriage very seriously and that means in sickness and in health and she is clearly sick with something.
"I need an outside perspective on what my obligation to her really is."
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