Topic : Examining how my life choices led to childless at 30
Topic Detail: I started listening to your show at age 20; I was already dead-set on my desire to get married and have children but my commitment to having kids was significantly amplified by listening to your show and becoming aware of the birth rate decline epidemic.
I was ideologically committed to the idea of having kids not only to carry on western values through my progeny but also as a part of my biological destiny; I considered my fertility to be a sacred gift that should not be wasted.
20 year old me would be absolutely horrified to know that 30 year old me is childless and unmarried. I was in a 5 year relationship from age 20-25 that imploded just before our nascent engagement; the end of that relationship has left me in a 5 year wilderness of confusion, guilt, and self hatred. I am evaluating the role that my upbringing has had on my life choices, questioning deeply how I was raised, and fighting back against an extremely toxic anti-natalist culture.
Sadly I have even encountered anti-natalism from my own family: grandparents, parents, and aunts are pressuring me to surrender my ambitions to have children. Even the Christian community has been unsupportive of what I consider to be my biological destiny and I’ve never felt so betrayed in all of my life.
I wake up every day confused about how I ended up childless and unmarried at 30, going over and over in my mind the actions and decisions I made that led me to ruin my life, but I just can’t make sense of it. I struggle to compose a coherent narrative that makes sense of the last 10 years of my life, I am hoping that Stefan can help me cut through the fallacies I am holding onto so that I can understand my own story. Although it’s too late for me to be saved, I’m hoping that my story can be a warning to other young women so that they can avoid the mistakes that I made.
I would so greatly appreciate Stefan’s insight
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