For those who are new to my blog. This series is a joint post between myself and my husband. He is sitting here beside me writing his view on this topic. We wanted to show the differences between the two of us and demonstrate how those differences can be bridged respected and cherished. I will provide a link to his post so you can read his side of the story.
When we were first together we followed the model of Rob's family. The women did the inside work and the men did the outside work. In my family my mom was a single parent. I didn't really have a good working model to draw from. So I figured he was smart, this is how it is. It was easy at first. I did all the things that I loved to do anyway. Cleaned the house, laundry, meals, dishes and shopping. We did this system quite easily until our break up.
When we split up. I had a small car and I packed it to the rafters with mostly the boys stuff and off I went. Maybe we can discuss the reason I only had a car and my kids another time. I was off to my mother's as I had no place to live. I didn't know how do anything other than clean, meals, dishes and shopping. I didn't know how to pay bills, find a place to live, and what to look for in finding a new place etc. I was lost. This was a time of huge learning for me.
With loads of help I managed to get a small apartment and a job and get on my feet. An apartment was a great stepping stone because I didn't have to do any outside work. I had to learn how to take care of the car that was given to me right before Rob and I separated. I learned all the things that most people do normally. After a year or so the boys and I moved to a few places and then settled into a house that we rented.
I became very independent. My goals was to be able to do everything myself. And I did! I worked three jobs and took care of all my needs and my boys. I was living the dream. Haha.
After Rob and I got back together I remember a day when he said to me, why do you need me you do everything yourself. This statement made me think. In a relationship I needed to share some of the responsibilities. So we began to decide who did what. Again many talks later we worked through where each others strengths and desires were and divided up the work load.
Now every morning we have our morning chat and decide who is going to do what for the day. There are some constant things that never change. I do the main part of the laundry, meaning towels, sheets etc. We each do our own laundry. This is a very big point in our home. Rob had learned that, that this was something that he needed to do for himself so who am I to interfere. One less load of laundry for me. When our kids where at home and were big enough they were responsible to do their own laundry as well.
For the most part I do the main part of the cleaning, however he also contributes. Dishes are for all to do. We all dirty them so we all clean them. As for outside duties, again they are all shared. Rob does most of the big heavy stuff because he is built for it. We work hard to compliment each other an well as assist each other when necessary.
One thing that we have learned over the years is to draw upon each others skill sets. We each have areas where we have our own talents. Rob can build anything, so it seems. I don't seem to be able to do these kinds of things. He has talents to be able to look at a situation and analyze it very differently from what I do. However I am able to know what the animals need and where then are at with their health and know what herbs to pull out of the bush and when do do those types activities. These types of situations are when we share more and work closely together to assist each other.
In the end we need to be respectful of each other and how each other is feeling in that moment on that day. So this is an ever changing way of doing our work / chores. It requires constant communication and adaptation to be able to move through the ups and downs of each situation.