Finding ways for two independent people to share a life can be challenging, but also very rewarding. Living off grid comes with a lot of work, especially when we were building everything ourselves. We had to quickly divide up the tasks, not based on the tasks themselves or stereotypes but rather on the ability of each individual, including our sons. The division of the tasks were not so black and white as they were years ago or even today.
We found a way where we could all participate in everything together. My family was right there beside me, doing their best and that was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Carey and I work very well together. She helped pound tires in the construction of our home. The boys had 3 lbs hammers, Carey swung a 5 pound sledge hammer and I swung the 8 pound hammer. We filled and packed the tires in stages based on each individual capacity. It worked very well and meant that we can all do the work.
We do this for almost all the tasks and chores around our domain. Carey milks the goats because she has small hands and loves them dearly. My hands are big and I struggle with the process. But when she is gone, I do it anyway. I may not get as much milk as she does, but we always work at making sure everyone can do everything. This is our way to ensure that each of us maintains our independence in the event that one of us is away or even leaves this physical realm.
When we reconciled our relationship, I wanted to make sure that I did not loose my independence. So there were a few things that I insisted that I would continue to do; laundry, cooking, dishes and cleaning. These were the things that I had to do when I was alone to demonstrate that I loved myself. So I wanted to continue doing those activities. So while Carey is milking, I'm doing up the dishes. I in fact to a lot of the cooking too, where Carey does the baking.
There is one thing that I've done almost exclusively and that is hauling out the wood from the bush. My boys would help me with that chore, but now that they are gone, it is up to me. We are now working on a strategy that should I pass on, Carey will be able to maintain her independence. There is no way that I would ever want her to be in a position where she could not look after her basic needs herself.
This give and take, ebb and flow relationship that we built has comes with some very interesting manifestations. Because we are both willing to step in when the other needs help, it has allowed us to go with the flow whenever life changes on us. This willingness to adapt to help each other is the level of teamwork that enriches our lives and provides a safety net as we know we have each other's back.
It also provides us with flexibility to take advantage of opportunities when they are presented. I've build a shop for her aunt two years ago, which meant I was a way for a few months. She was able to keep things running on the homestead while I was away. If she was not able to maintain her independence, my ability to leave to help others would be restricted.
So it is critical for our own success that we find ways to maintain each others independence through this journey. Now that our two boys have left for the big city, we now find ourselves looking at ways to make life easier so that we can maintain our independence for as long as possible. It is a strategy that also helps us prepare for the time where one of us loses our vessel and must pass into the Spiritual Realm.
By keeping our skills up, whether it is in the earthship our outside of it, we don't divide our duties by old stereotypes. We divide them with the intent of maintaining our individuality, independence and sovereignty. There are no comments or beliefs around our home fire where specific tasks are just for men or women. That kind of thinking is destructive, violent and abusive. The challenge is to find strategies so that it does not matter who is doing it, the task can get completed.
This is how we found to be the best way to honour and respect one another for the sacred beings that we are and to ensure no coercion or violence creeps into our relationship. By honouring each others talents and finding ways to brings all those talents forward within the relationship, we have found a way to cover any gaps so that our partnership functions as a single entity.
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. - Matthew 19:6
We take our vows very seriously and work hard to work together as a team, one flesh.
If you are interested in Carey's views on this topic, she has written a blog on the exact same subject matter. You can read it here:
https://steemit.com/reconcilingrelationships/@carey-page/he-said-she-said-week-3-sharing-the-work-load