Parents on Reddit were asked "Parents of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing your young child has ever said to you?", and here are their creepy but nonetheless hilarious answers.
1- Small crosses - By (u/Tom_Zarek)
When I was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them I asked:
"aren't those too small?",
Dad: "What do you Mean?"
Me: "aren't we going to nail them to them?"
Dad: (after several moments silence) "we're not going to do that"
Me: "oh"
2- Die die die - By (u/PookiePi)
My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say 'hi' to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi"
One day, it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die"
So I say to her "What's that you're saying?"
And she turns to face me and just whispers "Diiiieeeeeee......."
3- Ham can't scream - By (u/RatedRx)
When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying "die die die die die die". When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, "I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn't. So I picked the ham because it can't scream."
4- Science - By (u/hrhomer)
My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about, and she said, "I'm imagining the waves of blood rushing over me."
Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that.
5- Weird kid - By (u/seethella)
When my son was little he, maybe 3, he used to do this weird crawl where he would slide his forehead along the floor. That was pretty creepy in itself. Then one night he crawled across the hallway into my room like that and stood up a few inches from my face and made a weird meow sound. He got into bed with me and went to sleep.
Another time he was freaking out about a monster in the basement so we went down and saw nothing, of course, and as I turned out the light and headed upstairs and he said "He’s right behind us now."
I might have peed a little. Possibly the creepiest thing he did was one day I scolded him for misbehaving so he hid his head under his blanket. I pretended I couldn't find him by saying "Where is my little Carson?" He slowly lowered the blanket and with a dead evil stare said, "Carson is gone, I am Rick." I'm certain he's possessed. We never knew any Ricks, as far I can remember. Still don't. Never figured out where he picked up the name.
6- Human zoo - By (u/bladel)
My mom likes to tell this story: Apparently when I was 5 or 6 I told her that aliens had stolen her real son, and replaced him with me, an exact copy. Someday, I would return to my home planet.
But she shouldn't be sad, because her real son had a good life in our zoo.
7- Social Worker - By(u/borkmeister)
My five year old adopted little sister has a game she would play, where we would pretend to go around to people's houses and take their children. Once we rounded up enough we would eat them, violently and maliciously. This was her idea, through and through.
The name of the game? Social worker.
8- Behind you - By (u/ToastedCheesee)
"Go back to sleep, there isn't anything under your bed".
"He’s behind you now".
Still haven't gotten over that one and shiver at the memory.
9- Skin (u/floatingyoghurt)
We were having roast chicken for dinner. Son (3) has light-bulb moment. Holds up chicken skin. "When we say 'chicken skin', is this really the skin of the chicken? Like my skin?" Next day after some Sunday nap we play cars. I see a fresh scar on his foot. Straight line with a little dry blood. Ask the little sir about it: "I cut myself. I took a knife because I wanted to see what my meat looks like under my skin but it hurt a little so I stopped. I still don't know."
Good thing he didn't want to see his sister's flesh!
10- T-Rex - By (u/bonkus)
When my 2.5 year old and her friend were hanging out, the topic of T-Rex and other dinos came up. I asked her friend:
"If you were a T-Rex, what would you do for fun? "
He answered: I'd chase herbivores!
I then asked my daughter this question:
"If you were a T-Rex, what would you eat? "
She got very serious and looked me right in the eyes and said:
"Children. I'd eat children"