Hey you.
Yes..I'm talking to you.
You had a rough night, didn't you? You spent the night crying and hurting over god knows what or god knows who and did quite the equivalent of taking a mental razor blade and cutting yourself up with old memories, regrets, and sad nostalgia. You smoked a million cigarettes trying to burn the sadness away...you drank bottles of wine trying to drown it...you cried a million tears trying to evaporate it from your soul.
And what came of it all? You are waking up with a dry throat, your head throbbing, and a soaking wet pillow
and you are feeling no closer being ok then you did when you started.
Whats crazy is that this isn't the first time you have done the very same routine. You have been here before. This path is an old one that your feet have walked many times...yet still, you do it impulsively thinking the outcome will somehow be different.
It's time you learned and understood it's futile doing the same thing will not fetch you different results.
Don't for a second think I didn't see the thoughts going through your head last night either. Thoughts about how your life is hopeless and nothing is going right so why not just find a way and end it. You thought about pills and overdosing...how best to do it..what pills to take and how many. You thought about maybe buying a gun and shooting yourself because that way is faster. You saw yourself as a drowning man in your mind and no way to swim to shore because all there was around you were deep dark water.
Funny how you saw yourself surrounded by water cause from where I am standing you have been thinking and acting like a fish.
" What?" You say " A fish? What do you mean by that?"
I am sure you know what a salmon is. It's a fish that makes its way upstream to a place to spawn and mate and then die. That's what you have been acting like..a fish. Thinking of your life in so narrow a fashion, that if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband your life is meaningless and why to bother. You aren't a fish, did you get it? You are a human. You aren't trapped in a body of water, you can get out and see everything around the stream and explore and you should. If an actual fish could speak to you they would tell you the same. "You aren't one of us don't act like one of us...get out there and DO STUFF !"
People become fish when they get fixated on thinking that there are only certain things to do and accomplish in life and all else doesn't matter. You are single and no relationship to speak of? You must be a loser. You never been married and no family? Boy, your life must be so sad...NOT TRUE!!!!It's only sad if YOU wish it to be. If you structure it that way. If you let your thoughts run berserk.
I know we are complete strangers but I care about you and those ugly thoughts in your head. Let it be known though that my kind of care is straightforward and I pull no punches.I'm gonna tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings cause that's what you need. You need someone who cares enough to tell you whats up. My mouth isn't a bakery and I sugarcoat nothing.
So you are thinking of suicide huh? Well, I'll tell you what, before you can die you have to make a Bucket list of things you want to do before you die. I challenge you to make a bucket list of every place in the world, every country, every state, every person to talk to, every activity that can be done, every skill that can be learned, every song that can be heard,every bit of fashion that can be tried on, every kind of dance that someone can teach you. Learn every dirty joke that man has ever conceived and tell it to someone. Dine in all the best restaurants in the world and taste all kinds of food and drink. Learn to make every cocktail there is. See every sunrise and sunset at every beach. Hike through all the canyons and parks. See active volcanos and waterfalls and jungles. Volunteer at charities and soup kitchens. Learn to make 1000 different cakes and pies. Take up photography and take pictures of every season. Volunteer at all nursing homes and talk to all the patients. Watch every comedian there is and go to all museums and art galleries. Expose yourself to beauty and every form. When you have done all this and you still want to die I have heard Elon Musk has plans on making planet Mars habitable, make your way there.
If someone has hurt you and they are gone instead of doing the "make no sense" thing and longing for them, REJOICE..they were a contemptible jerk who do not understand anyone's feelings and they caused you pain...good riddance to bad rubbish..move along...don't stand in the middle of old crime scenes wishing that things could go back the way they were. They obviously weren't that great to start with if they hurt you, right? Right.
If you are hurting because a loved one has passed I understand you must mourn their passing. It's the natural thing to do however remember that that person would want you to live and be happy. If they were to come alive and meet you for one last time, they would say "sweetheart...my time is done but yours is not...so live and be happy. I want you to continue living and be as happy as you can be and it's that happy and fulfilled you I be remembered.
If you are hurting because life is being rough to you right now just remember its a RIGHT NOW thing, not a FOREVER thing. If you are broke, so what? You are broke..show me a person in the world who isn't broke at one time or another. Your job sucks? Don't be ungrateful, at least you have a job. You can look for something else while you are working and keeping a roof over your head. Mad because you want to live beyond your means and can't? Hey, you are thinking like a fish again trying to jump upstream faster then everyone else and calling yourself a failure if you can't. Work hard and you will get there eventually and that's all that matters the getting there. The stream ain't going nowhere so relax.
Still sitting in that dark sad little room with the wet pillowcase? God! The air stinks from the alcohol and the cigarettes you smoked..open the window for fuck's sake! If you cant, just throw some clothes on and walk outside and get some fresh air. Breathe it in, breathe lots of it. Breathe out all those sad funky thoughts. Take a look around. The birds singing. The sunny sky. The sound of life around you. You sure you want to exit out? I told you, you aren't allowed until you complete your bucket list. If you are going to die at least wait until you have thousands of great memories and experiences first..let them be as pictures in your mental scrapbook you can take with you to the afterlife.You cant add any more after you die so fill that bitch up to overflowing. I guarantee you though once you see life as a human and not a fish you won't want to leave. It will have too much worth to you. Too much value. You will understand at last how precious it is and how precious you are. When that happens I will be over in the corner chuckling how you went from fish to human evolved from happiness.
Maybe you need some help getting the funk out of your head. Well, I can help there.
The first thing you gotta do is change your environment. Look around. Your house is a reflection of how you feel...messy, cluttered, dirty change it. Clean that shit up. Trust me..its harder to feel sad and depressed in a clean smelling house than in a dirty one.
Next thing is to get out of the house. Take a walk, even if just a short one. Go to a park, a beach, go window shopping. If you stay enveloped in your room you surround yourself with just you and your funky sad thoughts and that's no good. Get out of there. Breathe in the air and let life touch you.
If you cant get out of your house for the moment then watch videos on youtube designed to relax and soothe you like these.
How about a fireplace?
How about a nice scene of snow gently falling?
Maybe you like tropical beaches...got you covered there
Want some windchimes?
Maybe a soft sound of a cavern dripping with water is for you
there are literally thousands of videos on youtube that can help you relax
My personal favourite are videos that feature the sounds of libraries
I made a playlist on youtube of ASMR relaxing videos. The playlist has 219 videos. If you want to see the playlist start with this video of laundry dryers and the list will pop up
A library relax video
how about those who like quiet coffee shops?
If there is a dark funk in your headspace taking up all the room then create a new headspace and clean out the old one. Change your headspace and your life will change. Don't be a fucking fish pissed off you don't have another fish to spawn with. Jump out of the water and live for other things. You have the option so fucking use it. Don't consider death until you do. Until you have seen, experienced, smelled, tasted, touched everything there is you cant die. There are things not yet done that should be done. Make a bucket list so large that you never run out of things to do. Let that be a reason to live in of itself.
You can do it.
Peace be with you fellow human being.