We come into relationship, expecting unconditional love, while carrying a list of conditions. Conditions we place on ourselves in order to feel worthy. Conditions we place on another to be worthy of our love.
We blame the other for not giving us the love we feel we deserve, because we can’t see that they are simply reflecting to us the love that we aren’t giving ourselves.
We’ve unconsciously employed them (our soulmates) to bring light to our soul’s path, including the darkest places we escape to.
We developed the job description years before we even met them. And often the ones who we are most attracted to are the ones who are damn good at it! 😉
To begin to utilize our partners reflection for self-transformation we first acknowledge that they are the messenger.
As Michael Brown so aptly describes this phenomenon…they are our “MESS-ENDERS”. Here to end our mess!
The judgements our partners carry, that trigger us, are reflections pointing us to the parts of us that need our attention.
Not their attention…OUR ATTENTION.
We are the only ones who are responsible for loving us…and the only ones equipped to adore us the way we deeply desire and deserve to be.
Without this level of self responsibility, we continue to shoot the messenger.
Without maintaining this awareness, we continue to seek the uncomfortable reflections…that we don’t realize have the potential to liberate us.
Until we are ready to step into claiming our own hearts, we will continue to attract our worthy opponent into the ring to remind us of the submission required to end the suffering.
Equipped with this knowledge, we are able to enter relationships without expectations, without the need to hold another emotionally hostage for the wounds we carry.
This opens us up to relationships where the other reflects our inner work to us.
When we are unconditional loving with our own hearts, our partner will reflect that to us.
If we are alchemizing our suffering into gold, leaning into the discomfort of the darkness, we will witness that level of mastery in another.
Even if our partner has no knowledge or training in emotional integration or self-inquiry, the mirror has a way of reflecting to us what we are placing our attention upon and how we are shifting our story from within.
At this level of relating, expansion proceeds exponentially as each trigger becomes fuel for the alchemists fire.
This state of “being in love” is available to anyone willing to consistently witness oneself without control or manipulation.
This level of authenticity is yours when you learn to respond gently, rather than react to your own vulnerabilities and your own innocence.
In my next post I will discuss how to gently respond instead of reacting to our fear, anger and grief.
If you’d like to delve deeper into authentic relating I highly recommend “The Presence Process” book by Michael Brown and relationship books by Harville Hendricks.
Thank you for being here. It’s SO ENOUGH!
💕Pachee