How to Catch a Cheating Spouse
How can I find out if my husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on me?
It can be very difficult to catch a cheating spouse.
Understandably, most people do not know how to investigate a spouse. A link to tips, resources and advice that will help you discover the truth can be found at the end of this article (or take me there now).
However, if you want to catch a cheater, it often helps to understand the nature of the problem at hand.
Why is it so difficult to catch a cheating husband or wife?
Catching a cheating partner is difficult because cheaters have an unfair advantage when it comes to infidelity. In fact, most infidelity goes undetected, or unproven, because the rules of the game tend to favor those who cheat.
How does this work?
Exploiting Trust
Most people have a strong desire to believe what a partner has to say. Trusting a partner creates a sense of security and comfort. No one really wants to think that a spouse may be lying, especially when it comes to infidelity (see love is blind).
Rather than assume the worst, it’s often easier to believe a "pleasant lie" than to acknowledge a "devastating truth."
In fact, some people work very hard to overlook a spouse’s infidelity, because to acknowledge the alternative is much too painful. This helps explain why the spouse is typically the last to know.
Cheating spouses take advantage of this. Cheaters often exploit their partner’s desire to trust by telling their partners exactly what they want to hear ("I would never cheat on you.").
Signs of a Cheating Partner
Cheating spouses exploit their partner’s desire to trust. There are few hard and fast signs of infidelity.
Cues of infidelity vary widely from relationship to relationship, making it impossible to provide a useful list of behaviors that has a high degree of accuracy. In hindsight, however, the warnings signs always appear obvious.
In fact, there are so many telltale lists of infidelity cues that it is hard to know what to believe (see signs of cheating).
Given all the different lists that exist, it helps to keep the following in mind.
Providing a list of the signs of cheating is often counterproductive. First, any given behavior is open to multiple interpretations. Does a spouse’s sudden interest in losing weight signal infidelity? Could it be due to some other reason?
The explanation for any behavior is never as clear-cut as we would like to believe.
Furthermore, looking for signs of infidelity tends to fuels one’s suspicions. For instance, does your spouse clear his or her call log after each call? Dwelling on such matters tends to make people more suspicious. The way people generally handle their suspicion ends up helping a cheating spouse.
Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters
Suspicion is a very strong emotion and it’s difficult to hide. Suspicious individuals tend to signal their doubts by making accusations, acting anxiously, being overly inquisitive, and so on.
A cheating spouse’s worst fear is getting caught. So, cheating spouses constantly monitor their partners for signs of suspicion. If a cheating spouse detects suspicion, he/she will adjust his/her behavior to better hide and conceal the affair.
Simply speaking, suspicion tends to help cheaters cheat more effectively. If your spouse is cheating, and you signal your doubts and suspicions, it’s going to be much more difficult to discover the truth (see common mistakes).
When you put it all together, cheaters have the advantage: both trust and suspicion tend to work in their favor.
So, how can you catch a cheating spouse?
If you suspect infidelity, do not confront your spouse until you have proof.
While it is helpful to talk to partners about most relationship problems, this is NOT the case when it comes to infidelity. A cheating spouse will almost never admit to infidelity, unless presented with evidence to the contrary.
Even when presented with evidence, some spouses continue to l