This question started on the premise of cheating and it urges. Someone made this statement:, "Men are naturally polygamous in nature"! Do you also believe men are naturally polygamous in nature? I don't believe it. (and that's my opinion) There's something else i believe.
So after debunking the assumption, someone asked me the question below...
IS THERE ANY SOLUTION TO AVERT THIS URGES OF CHEATING IN MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS? WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO TO OVERCOME THEM?
And this was my answer...
First of all, it's about a personal decision to stay committed to the relationship without cheating on your partner.
By this, you begin to see FAITHFULNESS to your spouse/partner as something that's not just about her or the relationship but about you and your core values as a human... You begin to see Faithfulness in relation to your life and your ability to hold your self accountable not just to the relationship but your ability to achieve your overall purpose in life.
This is because a resolution to stay faithful is sometimes easier said than done... Because We're humans and sometimes our personal decision gets defeated. That's why we need to tie this decision to something stronger than us like a personal tenet or principle, something that's far beyond us. With this, even if we ever fail, we can always come back to upholding this value because it's part of what defines us.
Sometimes the choice one makes influences a relationship. It can either make you stay committed to the relationship without cheating or not to stay committed to the relationship depending on the type of choice you choose.
Let me share this story... One day during my discussions with a senior married colleague who happened to admire one of my immediate colleagues... The guy was like, "Eti, you see I'm not perfect but most of these girls the moment you decide to do stuff with them, they will want to overrun your family".
I would really love to go out with that girl but my boys are so precious to me. I can't let any "useless" girl come between me and them. My wife? She gave up everything to get me to where i am now, she doesn't deserve that.
I can't remember what i answered in return but i encouraged him to stay put with his family. And uphold those values.
And I must point this out, as someone in a relationship, you can't really develop these values automatically especially if you're not used to it... But it can be developed with time.
Again, one of the easiest ways to overcome cheating is avoid thinking about the subject... Replace the thought with other things until you eventually overcome it completely. Because every single action started as a thought
The more one thinks about being with some pretty girl he met days before, the more likely he would be with either that girl or other girls. It's just like that and most times such thoughts materialize even faster than others because of the intensity with which it's focused on in the mind.
And if one happens to think in that direction unconsciously then consider what's at stake. The implication of the actions etc... In my friends case, he had to think about his kids, what memories they will have of him as a father when they find out. And later the wife, remembering everything she's put in for him and how bad it would be to pay her back with cheating.
With these considerations, the guy realised what's at stake is more than what he can ever gain from a "one night fling".
Unlike this guy, most people consider other things like societal opinion, social standing etc but for someone to really get dissuaded from cheating, what's at stake is supposed to be something more than us. Like a matter of life and dead if i should use the word.
This is why besides seeing faithfulness to one's partner as a personal principle or something we should be proud of, most times its very important we get into relationships with people that really deserve our love. People we can sacrifice on their behalf because staying without cheating is a big time decision and even at that we can only give that to people that are worth it.
In conclusion, i want to summarize as follows, cheating or staying faithful in a relationship/marriage should be about us not about our partners. We should hold ourselves committed to staying faithful by understanding first that this is about US. This is about who we are. And this is about how far we can stay committed to the things that really matter in our Lives.
Do you wish to join the discussion? I would love to read your point of view, opinion and comments on the question.
Thanks..
Image source: pixabay