I walked into an office on Tuesday and, while waiting for my friend to arrive, decided to engage a beautiful lady (who was sitting beside me) in a discussion. Since my friend who owns the office went to get something and wouldn't be back for an hour, I decided to hear her own perspective on why people find it difficult to move on after a breakup.
At first, we chatted casually but after a while, it got deeper and (God be praised!) she was the open type, who wanted to share her experience.
She said that some people find it difficult to move on, sometimes not because of the love they have or had for their ex, but the sense of loss and the feeling of being treated unfairly may make them carry the mark of hatred around, waiting to place it on the next guy.
At this point, my ears were already ''tingling''.
"I was in a relationship with this guy for 8 years. Within this period, I had 3 abortions because he always told me he loved me, wanted me in his future and that we weren't ready to start a family. Besides, then I was still quite young and he had no money. We had sex severally, even when I didn't feel like it but I did it to make him happy. He never cared about my own pleasure- he would just thrust n thrust, then come after 2 minutes (I don't think he even lasted up to 2 minutes!). He was selfish, self-centred and cheated on me severally. The most annoying part of it was that, when I asked him severally about the other women, he'd tell lies like the Devil. He would swear on his life that he wasn't cheating.''
At first, I allowed her to speak but I didn't know when I said, ''He was bad all through and you stayed for eight years."
She said "I saw his flaws and lied to myself that he'd change but he never did- he only got worse. I will never advice any lady to stick to a man who doesn't respect her.''
I asked, ''Did you walk away later?''
She said that he broke up with her and, after a few months, wanted to get back with her.
She also said she hadn't dated anyone in the last 3 years but couldn't forgive him completely because she felt "used".
Why did I write on this?
Most times we want to get ahead and make a new life. A life better than the previous one but we find it difficult to move on, not because there was something better to hold on to in our previous relationship. But because we can't forgive. The fear of being used, repeatedly being hurt and not being treated right keeps us from moving on.