People are not always the best judges of how good or how bad their relationship with a certain individual might be. After all, we’ve all heard the story of that one poor soul- the guy/girl who gave their all to a partner or a friend or a family member and never seemed to get anything in return. We’ve heard all about how perfect their relationship was going all along, how they never saw anything coming, and how they were utterly shocked when things ended up badly. We’ve heard their stories and we’ve felt bad for them. But one thing we tend to forget while listening to these distressing stories is the fact that there are always two sides to them.
We heard all about the good things this person did for someone else, all the ways in which they tried to please them, and all the ways in which they eventually got hurt. But we never really got to hear about the things they might have done wrong too, the mistakes they might have ended up making, and the ways in which they might have tested another person’s patience. I’m not saying that this is always the case, and that the person who has been treated badly has been treated this way for a solid reason. I’m only saying that there’s always the existence of this possibility so we should be willing to look into it before making any judgments.
In most of our relationships, we tend to overlook our own faults, inaccuracies and mistakes and start focusing more on what mistakes the other person has committed. And this error in judgment is exactly what leads to the destruction of a happy and healthy relationship. Make sure you stop yourself from making these 5 mistakes in your relationships:
Failing to create a sense of loyalty and trust
A lot of our relationships never truly go beyond the surface. We meet people. We share a few laughs with them. We tell them stories about our life – stories that pretty much anyone we know has probably heard about. And then we go on to live our lives as usual. In order to build a sense of loyalty and trust with another individual, we need to go deeper than that. We need to truly involve them with our life. We need to share meaningful conversations with them- ones that not everyone we know is entitled to. Only then will this relationship mean something more to them than a passing moment in their life.
Violating the trust that has already been established
Maybe you couldn’t control yourself from laughing a little when they started to open up to you about an extremely personal or embarrassing story of their life. Maybe you casually mentioned that thing they told you in private to your entire group of friends. Or maybe you just never followed up to ask how they were doing after they had been through a difficult experience in life. Whatever it is that you did, it might not have felt like a big deal to you but it did end up violating their trust in some way.
Focusing more on their external qualities than on the things that actually matter
There have been numerous occasions where you told them how beautiful they look or how sexy their clothes are or how nice their fancy big house is. While all these compliments will make another person happy, they won’t ever make them feel seen or heard in a way that they have never been seen or heard by anyone before. Did you ever tell them how much you respect their ideas and opinions about life? Did you ever tell them how their passion towards everything they pursue inspires you to work harder in life? Did you ever tell them how you can spend an entire day just listening to their amazing life stories? Trust me- all these compliments about their personality will mean much more to them than anything else you compliment them on.
Failing to see your own weaknesses
A lot of us tend to set up extremely high standards for the people around us but we never allow those standards to apply to our own self. So we start blaming other people for everything wrong that happens in a relationship while clearing ourselves of all charges. This kind of attitude will only lead to resentment towards each other and one of you will eventually decide to just move on.
Making demands that the other individual should live up to your standards instead of their own
Consider a situation where you believe that watching too much TV is always wrong for anyone under any circumstance. Your partner thinks of watching TV as their time to relax and unwind after a hard day. If you start forcing them to turn it off and get mad every time they refuse, then the only thing you’ll be doing is to create and unnecessary feeling of resentment and discontent from their side. Allow the people around you to make their own decisions without imposing on them the idea of what you think is the right thing to do.