I have a relationship with am amazing woman. A relationship I can no longer have because she had a secret that shattered everything. When we first started talking we talked really well, few days after our first message on interpals.net I called her on Whatsapp and almost 2 weeks later I made her my girlfriend. From the get go we asked each other personal and intimate questions about each other "how long was your longest relationship?" "what was the hardest decision you made?" "do you have any kids?". I asked her that and she told me know however, last evening she told me that was not true.
The dark fact about the Internet is you can reinvent yourself and be whoever you want. Say things you would never tell anyone in a million years and this can be good and bad. Melissa never never said she had a kid on her profile; no mention. I can't remember when I asked her if she had kids, wherever it was before of after we decided to see each other but I do remember her asking me and I asked her back. I remember her telling me how rare it is to have two people who don't already have children at our age (30s). I met her 2017 January the 3rd, she told me about Max 2017 September the 8th. We met in person 2017 August the 26th.
I was studying for my PGCE when we first started talking. We talked a lot about the future evening ironing details of her moving to the UK, how we would do it, wherever I would support her or she comes over on a work VISA, having kids together once we both settle in and refine my home. I am currently living in a cave where I don't even have hot water. I worked day and night getting everything ready after my studies so we can spend an amazing weekend together and it was amazing. I planned out the kids' rooms, kitchen and master bedroom but unfortunately these plans can't work with this new information. All my plans and preparation are denied. It also turned out that I have met her son, Max.
For half our relationship she told me she was babysitting her cousin's son. It is an autistic boy called Max who is already 5 years old. She started to call me during this time so we could spend time together when she was babysitting Max and maybe call me after the mother had been, even detailing how much she was receiving for her services. Some $110 or $170 while Melissa was not working over the Summer. It turns out none of this was true. Max is her son and he goes to his father's while Melissa is working. Scott is the father of a Jewish family and is less of a human and more of an abusive cabala on medication for his anger issues. Just last night she told me Scott hit Max and this is why he has to take the medication and under supervision of his parents. He is never left "alone" with Max.
I am going to digress for a moment, because I had lied as well. From the same website I was talking to a Chinese woman called Chu-Chu. It was not a serious relationship and ended shortly before I perused a relationship with Melissa. I did not tell Melissa about the relationship and Chu-Chu was hungover me, finding out about Melissa and contacting her, showing most of our messages and pictures sent between us. My reasoning behind this was that Melissa does not like to hear about other woman I had been with and I was not proud of my "casual" encounter with the Chinese lady. Chu-Chu at the time was 18 and I was 30 and this bothered Melissa as well. Chu-Chu to date still messages Melissa and just recently said that we're still in contact even though we're not. Melissa was incredibly upset with me when she saw the messages and the fact that I insisted that me and Chu-Chu were friends until Chu-Chu insisted on calling me her boyfriend, which was true to an extent. I always told Chu-Chu this was not a serious relationship and that our plans did not match up. I thought me and Melissa were over back then when she said "you are lucky I can't refund these air tickets".
Before that, Melissa told me where was something she hadn't told me yet but wanted to tell me in person. she even played games with me where I would guess and she would ask how I would feel if that was the case. She reassured me that it was nothing we already talked about as I started getting nervous and asked her if she was actually a man. By this time she already told me she didn't have kids and keep in mind she told me it was a secret we hadn't talked about so by my logic that mean't everything she told me to date was true. A month before she was going to visit I told my mother about this and thought she would have an insight on what it could be. She joked that Melissa was likely a Spy and her real name was Julia Bond. Melissa told me that those aren't the kind of things you tell other people and put it down to my own autism but that was when she came up with the list. The list consists of things the secret could be with one being the real answer:
- I have been married / still am
- I am bi-sexual
- I have children
- I have had an abortion
- I have been to prison / jail
- I have had relationships with other men on Interpals before
- I was into Black guys
- My name is not Melissa
- I am not really a teacher
- I used to be an escort
- I slept with men for money
- I have slept with 50+ men
- I wanted to be Youtube famous
- I lied to make you jealous
At some point after she showed me this she told me that she lied and it in fact could be something she told me otherwise. I still was reassuring her not knowing the answer and personally thinking she couldn't have kept her kid from me if she had one. We met in London at the airport and spent a beautiful 7 days together showing her my home town, I had an interview for a job and she she waited outside, booked numerous bars and restaurants, I proposed to her and cried when we had to say goodbye. it was a sad time to see her go and I loved every minute of my time with her even the times that sucked were made better when it was with her. I am madly in love with this woman and asked her if I ever need to know her secret, if it bothers her so much to tell me. Would I ever find out and she even said no. I asked her during the seven days for the secret and she dodged it every time until I gave up and said to just leave it. She told me 2 weeks after we met because her sister said she would if Melissa didn't.
Melissa is a special creature. She is the only woman who ever made me feel good about myself, who I wanted to protect from my previous encounter, build a home and have a career so I could have a family with her, my best friend and greatest love. When she told me on the phone I did not know how to react and I even made jokes about a secret I kept (I said I was batman). I felt numb and tried to figure out how to make it work in my head. After talking to my long time friend and mum my head had started to hurt.
there are some things that really hurt me over this:
She said to me it is amazing none of us have children,
She introduced me to her "cousin's son",
The games we played on guessing what it is and even saying it was not 'that',
She didn't tell me before I proposed,
The plans I made to have a future with her have been fruitless,
There was never any mention of her son on her profile before we started dating.
The last example bothers me because most profiles have nothing but pictures and sections devoted to their children and Melissa said nothing about him. Even if you don't believe of having your children on the internet you would at least mention them. To support Melissa I would need to earn £18.600 a year according to the UK government website and it is a lot more with children involved. I was also reminded that I was always against bringing up another man's child. It makes me wonder if it would even be possible to have my own kids with Melissa due to soon as we live together that I will be supporting a wife and son. My friend believes we couldn't my own kids for another 3 years. I haven't told Melissa how I feel yet. in fact my phone is off and at the time I told her it was all right. this is going to destroy us both and I am not sure how I am ever going to trust someone ever again. Even someone who seems so perfect, kind, accepting and who I have spent hours every single day talking to, who would keep a secret like this. I know she will cry for days and so will I. this doesn't change how I feel and I know she in her on way is a good person but trust is an important thing. My lie was my past so I could be the man she needs. Her secret makes everything we talked about the future 'may as well never taken place.'
Writing this out now I looks really bad that if I really love Melissa, why would I be willing to throw it all away just because of this. I don't have a good answer for that. It breaks my heart ending a relationship that I was so sure about and only one detail that changes everything.