One of the most difficult challenges we face in our loving relationships is handling differences and disagreements. Often times, when couples disagree, their discussions can turn into arguments and then without much warning into battles. They start hurting each other by accusing, blaming, demanding, complaining, doubting, etc.
Couples arguing in this way hurt not only their feelings but also their relationship. Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be the most destructive element. This is because the closer we are to someone, the easier it is to be heartbroken.
Why we Argue
Couples commonly argue about money, sex, decisions, scheduling, household responsibilities, etc. These discussions and negotiations often turn into painful arguments for only one reason - we are not feeling loved. Damn!
They both might be arguing about the reasons mentioned above on the surface but secretly, they are arguing for some of the following reasons:
- "I don't like it when she gets upset over the smallest thing I do or don't do. I feel rejected and unaccepted."
- "I don't like it when she expects me to read her mind. I can't. It makes me feel bad or inadequate."
- I don't like it when he forgets to do the things I ask, and then I sound like a nag. I feel like I am begging for his support."
- I don't like it when he blames me for being upset. I feel like I have to be perfect to be loved. I am not perfect."
What Happens When we Argue
When two people are not emotionally or sexually involved, it is a lot easier to remain objective while arguing or debating. But when couples who are emotionally involved and especially sexually involved, they take things too personal. Most couples start arguing about one thing, and within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing.
Unknowingly they begin hurting each other, what could have been an innocent argument, easily resolved with mutual understanding escalates into a battle. The more intimate we are with someone, the more difficult it is to hear their point of view without reacting to their negative feelings. Even if we agree with their point of view, we may stubbornly persist in arguing with them. Some couples fight all the time, and gradually their love dies.
Why Arguments Hurt
It is not what we say that hurts but how we say it. When a man feels challenged, his attention becomes focused on being right. He unknowingly hurts his woman by speaking in an uncaring manner. At times like this, a simple disagreement may sound like an attack to her.
Similarly, when a woman feels challenged, the way she speaks becomes mistrusting and rejecting. This kind of rejection is more hurtful to a man, especially when he is emotionally involved.
How to Avoid Arguments
The secret to avoiding arguments is a loving and respectful communication. It is possible to be honest, open and even express negative feelings without arguing or fighting. If we can understand what our partner needs and remember to give it, emotionally charged arguments and quarrels can be avoided.
Conclusion
Every relationship has difficult times, due to some reasons like loss of a job, pressure, illness, death, and so on. The most important thing to do during these difficult times is to try to communicate with a loving attitude. By successfully learning how to communicate in response to the smaller upsets in a relationship, it becomes easier to deal with the bigger challenges when they appear suddenly.
Ciao, until next time!
Steem on✌✌✌