We have all had that ex that we can't get off of our minds.

It may have been many months, or even several years since the break-up but for whatever reason we can't stop endlessly playing the "what ifs" in our head. I was in this situation for longer than I care to admit. It not only is detrimental to ourselves but if we try to "get under someone else" as is a popular saying, it is detrimental to our new partner as well. For ourselves, and for others we need to get over it and move on with our lives.

I decided to write this blog when I noticed I hadn't checked my exes facebook in many month, to check if he was still in a relationship.

Once I realized that I realized I hadn't really thought of him at all. I started thinking of what was different and what I had changed to finally get over this person and get on with my life. Obviously part of it was just time passing but I wanted to share some other things I think guided me toward a healthier, exless, life.

• Don't hold your feelings in, let them all out.

Don't do what I did, don't dwell on your break-up for a full year but do let your feelings out. Bottling them up will only make their ugly heads resurface later. Cry. Sleep. Cry more. Let yourself fully mourn the loss of your relationship. It is sad, let it be sad. Getting this out of the way first will make life easier later. Give yourself a few days to a week of full-on ugly crying if you need it. Then get together with some friends and try to have some fun.

• Remove them from your facebook and DO NOT stalk them.

You may want to remain friends and that is admirable and totally fine. I have remained friends with quite a few exes but, in my opinion, if you are hopelessly stuck on the person and there is no chance at a future --if it's making you morbidly depressed to see this person-- you need a break, at least for now. You won't be able to move on and become independent with constant painful jabs. So, get them off your facebook and resist that gnawing urge to "check up" on them.

• Stop answering their texts/emails/calls.

If you want to get over a person you need to stop letting them be part of your every day routine. If you continue answering all those calls and texts you are going to be validating them being part of your life. Only, they aren't, not in the way you want so you will find yourself only getting more and more depressed. It may be hard initially but stop responding. If they are a good person and you don't want to "ice" them just explain to them why you need to take a (long) break from communication.

• Start throwing yourself full force into your passions.

I think this is the biggest part of me getting over my ex. I started focusing all my attention on my art. If you have a hobby or passion start dedicating more time to it. We all want to spend more time doing what we love and if you just ended a serious relationship, that means you freed up some time. So go ahead and invest that time into something productive that you enjoy doing. You will gain confidence, distract yourself, feel proud, and gain independence.

• Start moving.

Get out there and start doing some physical activities. Not only will working out make you feel more confident but it can help improve your mood by releasing endorphins. It's no secret that working out regularly is a mood booster. This may be the perfect time to work out as you are likely wanting a distraction. Get some headphone, put on some happy tunes and work it out.

• Don't "get under" someone else.

We have all heard of "getting under" someone else to get over and ex. Now maybe some casual sex will help you. It generally doesn't help me when I am heartbroken. But, whatever you do, definitely don't lead someone else on and throw yourself into a new relationship that you are not actually ready for. It isn't fair to you or this new person. It may put a band-aid on your sadness but once that new relationship smell wears off you will find yourself still missing your ex and it will interfere with your relationship. You'll likely end up with another failed relationship and then you will be grieving two losses and will have worked through none of your previous issues.

• Start investing in yourself.

Focus on making yourself the best version of you that you can. Work out. --which will help in many ways-- Pamper yourself. Work on your talents. Learn some new skills. Get therapy if you want it. Just work on you in whatever way you want to. Start loving yourself fully and start putting yourself first. You will find yourself feeling the "need" for someone else less the more you invest in yourself.

There you have it. Now, go love yourself, create some shit, learn some stuff, run around, start laughing, and get over that person that's holding you back. But remember it will, inevitably, take time. But not adding to that time by dwelling on it is key.

Photos:
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