Why do you need to know about this?
Money is trivial, Health is important, and Relationship is essential.
Relationship is essential and that is the reason why you need to know your position to someone's life. Since from the beginning of our existence we are already taught to know who are our parents, siblings, and couzins. In the process of socializing within our family, we are also developing our communication skills and social skills.
Later on in our life, we need to go out from our home to expand our knowledge and the different domains of our life. In the process of expanding those that were mentioned, we are meeting different people, and in those people we are also creating relationship, and in your relationship, you need to know your position.
Does it make sense now?
Furthermore, relationship is totally broad so let me focus on FRIENDSHIP.
Basically, when we talk about friendships we always quote this line from John Donne. It is telling us that a man is not self-sufficient and that he needs the community for survival.
”no man is an island” John Donne (Devotions upon Emergent Occassions)
Hence, let me share to you my reflections about 5 Levels of Friendship, my perspective about friendship, and what do we need to have quality of friends or quantity of friends?.
As a disclaimer, all what is written here is based on my experiences as a friendship builder. Maybe some of what is written will not be applicable to your life and most may be. However, I am still praying that every words here may touch all the tissues in your system and may be useful with your relationship now or tomorrow and maybe even for the future.
REFLECTIONS ABOUT THE FIVE LEVELS OF FRIENDSHIP
The curiosity of knowing if there is levels of friendship, I came across to this website which explains The Five Levels of Friendship.
In that article, it presented Five Levels of Friendship which starts from being strangers, casual acquaintances, friends, deep friendship, and self-intimacy.
In this part let me share to you my reflections and perspectives about the five levels of friendship and friendship itself.
1. FRIENDSHIP STARTS FROM BEING STRANGERS
We are always taught when we were still a child that we should not talk to strangers. This is all true and really helpful to children. However, as we grow older our social skills is also growing. Later in our life, we tend to share our smiles to people we meet. In that moment of contact we are building connections as acquaintances.
In my own perspective, during the eye contact on this level, it can give two results in line with friendship development:
(1) one will get to know you and one will not; or
(2) both of you subconsciously decide to proceed to the next level.
Furthermore, if it happened that your eyes meet for an nth time after the first contact, it is of this moment that you will be thinking of possibilities like knowing him/her more, talking to him/her, sharing interests and the likes.
Therefore, strangers that surround you may become your intimate friend or may not.
In that sense, I didn’t confine myself to the term “first impression”. Why? I find it unjustifiable to define the whole person in just one meeting. That could somehow tell why I usually visit social media accounts of my acquaintances and this really helps. In other sense, you must be careful on what you posts and share in your social media accounts because it can somehow define who you are.
2. THE PROCESS IS NOT FAST AND THERE IS NO SHORTCUTS
Good thing about the article is that it clearly gives some activities that both people do in each stage. The process is not that fast because friendship takes time.
This clearly means that the person you’ve first met in your social media accounts is still on the 5th level: stranger, IF AND WHEN YOU HAVEN’T MET YET. Therefore, you cannot state a conclusion that you are already an intimate friend if you are just merely chatting. In fact, if you have decided to meet in a certain place on a certain time you are still in the process of being (Casual Acquaintance) as 4th Level which is really too far of being intimate.
It is somehow advisable that you can meet the person personally that you are chatting with, whatever the purpose that both of you agreed.
However, you must see to it that you will be careful in your first meeting to avoid risking your own life.
With that, let me share to you some tips on what to do during your first meeting with a stranger whom you’ve met in a social media:
Meet in a crowded place like malls and restaurants. It would also be helpful if you will meet together with some friends;
Meet before sunset. I know that it is somewhat romantic if you meet during the night. However, meeting during daylight is really advisable.
Ask more questions and talk a little;
Do not disclose your personal and private information.;
Say “NO” to an offer like to take you home, to give you a ride, and party at night. Saying no will not always equate of giving insults. Remember, this is your first meeting. Better be safe;
Think before saying “YES”. This depends on the situation and on the question.; and
Take full responsibility and accountability of yourself.
On the other side, it will also be helpful that you and your bestfriend that you haven’t met for a long time already will decide to meet in a certain place to talk about what’s going on with your life.
Though we are in the century of artificial intelligence and technology is making life easier, talking and laughing with your friends in PERSON will always be THE BEST
The process of building friendship (by chance or by choice) is not that easy and fast. YOU CANNOT JUMP FROM BEING STRANGERS TO INTIMATE FRIENDS. If you say so, then assess if it is really what I mean.You will build it together with faith and love. You still have a long journey to walk and many battles to face. Enjoy each moment that you will be experiencing.
Let me also share to you this quote that I have made when I was still a sophomore,
True friendship will always be outside of your monitor’s screen.” -
3. STRUGGLES MAY BE PRESENT
In the article mentioned above, possible struggles are not actually mentioned. However, it can be inferred that struggles may be present in any of the stages. This is the reason why in reality building deep friendship is not that easy.
This is truly evident to your current situations now. Can you provide yourself with a list of hundreds of people whom you think you had a deep relation with (excluding family members)? Being in a deep friendship must surpass great storms in life together. Now, can you provide yourself a list of people who are with you through bad times and good times? Then, they must be your deep friends or best friends.
MY PERSPECTIVE ABOUT FRIENDSHIP
Since I was able to integrate some of my perspective about friendship in Part I, let me share to you more of it here:
- TITLE DOESN’T MATTER
Labelling people or your friends with titles of friendship is not really necessary. Like saying “My friend A is my bestfriend, my friend B is my close friend and my friend C is just my friend. I think it would be better that the labels that you have made will just be kept with your own system. No need to shout it out because putting titles and labels to your friendship ALONE would somehow create misinterpretations among friends.
Please let me elaborate it through this:
IN A CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
Circle of Friends started from two people and in the later part of their journey they find another person that they think can be part of their circle then another person and another, until they become a group of friends.
It might not be true to all but may be true to most, that in your group of friends the intimacy with each other will be different from one friend to another. Usually, the relationship of the first two people who founded your group is totally different to the other friends who are part in the circle.
Subconscious labelling will somehow happen: one friend may label differently her one friend to another. And when the label was disclosed, miscommunications will happen. Like you’ve been treating him as your bestfriend but he’s just treating you as his friend or worst would be, you’ve been treating her as more than friend but she just treats you as a bestfriend. The next part of the story depends on the people in the circle. This could also apply to friendships between two people only (not involving a circle).
However, let me state that if both of you or all of you have decided consciously and subconsciously to assess on what degree your friendship is, I salute you. That is a great way to assess your relationship and to avoid misinterpretations sooner in your friendship journey. In addition, establishing endearment would also be helpful.
Therefore, assessing the degree of your friendship must be worked out by the both of you or with the circle of your friends and considering the things that you have gone through bad times and good times will also be helpful.
2. FRIENDSHIP HAS CHALLENGES
Dealing with challenges in friendship will help it to become healthier. However, too much of challenges may lead to a broken friendship.
Let me divide friendship challenge into two factors:
(1) Internal Friendship Struggles
(2) External Friendship Struggles.
Internal Friendship Struggles
This problem is due to personal problems between the members of the circle. Sometimes, this is due to misunderstandings. Since this is somewhat personal to the both of you or to the rest of the group members it would be better to attack it in a way that each ego will not be disturbed. If it is somewhat difficult, better not to talk about it for a day or for a couple of minutes. Let the anger subside before speaking to avoid worsening the situation. However, each member must be careful because if you take too long in mending the problem it will also worsen the situation.
External Friendship Struggles
This is somewhat a lighter factor for me. This may include external stimulants from the environment that will create struggles in a friendship like money and decision making about things. But sometimes, some external factors can also lead to internal friendship struggles like love triangle and some priorities.
However, even if it has two factors the best way to deal problems and struggles especially on internal part if to prevent it by talking about it.
3. YOU LEARN FROM EACH OTHER
Each member of your friends in your group of friends is totally different simply because we came from different families of different cultures, we have different mindset, and sometimes different in age or maturity. However, you were formed because of one thing which you love the most and you are the only one who can answer it.
The best thing in your journey as friends is your creating memories and you are learning from it.
Take time to recollect all the memories you had with your friends and evaluate how far you have gone because of them. Evaluate the improvements in your life because of them and thank them for doing it to you.
4. FRIENDSHIP IS WITHIN THE HEART
If we go back to the 5 levels of friendship, this part is for those who are in #2 already: Deep Friendship.
This goes to bestfriends who are far away from each other and is having a hard time in meeting personally. I am telling you now that even you are far away from each other your friendship will never end because you've built it and worked for it together with faith and love.
In a deep friendship absence is not a hindrance because both hearts will always remind the love with each other.
This somehow made me miss my best friends.
5. FRIENDSHIP IS FOR A LIFETIME
Should I expound this?
Friendship is for a lifetime. Just imagine you will be the godmother/father of your friends' daughters/sons. Funny but true.
I’m teary-eyed thinking of being old and just drinking coffee in a peaceful and relaxing friends and talking with my best friends.
May the good Lord favour us.
QUALITY vs. QUANTITY
You have so many friends and you’ve offered all your effort, time and love to them. You’ve been there during laughing and weeping. But in most of your downfall when you need them the most only one lends some ears and shoulders. Does it make sense now?
Quantity here connotes of having many friends but not of a quality and Quality defines itself. Most of the people always prefer to have quality friends than to have many friends and it may be due to the situation given above.
If I go deeper about the characteristics of quality friends I might discuss it in my own standards only. So to avoid this possible conflict of thoughts let me compare quality of friendship to a quality product. In general, quality products meet the standards or satisfaction of customers same thing with quality friendship, a person can say that it is of quality because it meets his/her own standard, and he/she is satisfied of their friends: who or whatever they are.
Furthermore, evaluating the quality of your friends will always depend on yourself as a human but we usually refer them as friends who were always there through good times and bad times.
In addition, quality friends are your friends who are making an IMPACT to your life!!!
Elaborating this more would already make some cliché. So let me just ask you to remember all your best friends who are your quality friends, call them and say "I love you" since hearts day is approaching.
Tribute to My Friends
Though I didn't mention this in my outline above but please allow me to pay some tribute to my best friends. While making the article I can't help myself recollect the memories that I had with them. I have sufficient number of quality friends in my life but I cannot blame the fact that I have top quality friends who were there during my ups and downs.
Let me start with: Ate Axle Rose Sitoy
Photo personally owned
She became my sister when I was still a working scholar before. She taught me how to conduct myself properly and how to become tranquil in chaotic situations in workplace. She helped me enhance my thinking skills and decision making.
On top of those learning, she was there during my downfalls in life and I know that she was one of the proudest in each of my success.
On top of those is in the person of Ms. Ma. Teresa K. Gloria. I usually call her Ms. Mayet before but after graduation we always call ourselves besh as an endearment. As much as I want to disclose her age but I should not. 😜
Photo personally owned by Ms. Gloria
She became my mentor: she teaches me a lot about professionalism in workplace.
She became my second mother: she talks to me and comforts me like a real mother. I love her more than a friend because my love for her somewhat equates as his second son.; and
She is on top of my bestfriend: She is extraordinary and one of a kind.
I always thank God for all the friends that I have met in my life right now.
Trully, I am blessed.
Conclusion
The most essential thing in this world is not the money, not your health, and not your succes. It is the relationship that you have shared with your FRIENDS that you have treated as one of your FAMILY.
I hope that I have shared appropriately of what is running into my mind.
I would be happy to see your thoughts in the comment box below. ☺️☺️☺️
❤️lots,