You are wondering how to break up with someone you still love? The tips in this article were created in response to a reader who lives a toxic relationship, and will help you learn to deal with it. You want to end, and although the relationship already be a torment, you probably still like that person, is concerned with it, and do not want to harm her.
But the longer you wait to do this, the worse the pain will be. There are things you can do to make this process a little easier for both. I believe that the tips I present more below may help you too.
Framing a person's problem
Steps of the relationship:
1 - Passion: Newly had left a 20-year marriage. What caught my attention was attracted and the loving way, helpful as my daughter and I were treated. At a time of extreme emotional distress.
2 - Reality: In time of living together I realized that the differences in behavior and maturity were increasingly visible. But after all, I liked and like it.
About Me: objective, realistic, I had a difficult childhood and early battled for my goals. Work, school, college, marriage. Financially independent. I have a 6 year old daughter who needs good references for healthy growth. I have goals to be professional or personal.
Who is he (in my opinion / and his family):39 Man dependent emotionally and financially family (currently sister, because her mother died 1 year). He lives with his sister, can not afford to live alone, have your self-support (because they do not want). He worked very little in life, has 2 properties in which rents and lives income (not acquired by their own efforts, parents of inheritance won). He made two colleges paid by the father and did not complete any of them. Think only at today without worrying about tomorrow. Has goals is personal or professional. It has OCD in making simple everyday things in massive, tedious things.
I have a feeling that turn into one of his OCD, which chokes me. Having no goals and concerns, wants to occupy his time exclusively to me. I feel more stifled than when he was married.
3 - I finished the relationship a few hundred times and always come back.Good question, why? I realize that I can not live alone. My leave early history of his parents' home and into a marriage, never gave me this opportunity. And with that, I enter in a vicious circle in which I can not leave.
In short: Our differences generate constant, intense, grueling conflicts (I feel that I lose energy). Conflicts are always generated by my dissatisfaction with his behavior (or lack thereof). He's always on the defensive, and today it is apparent that there will be no change on his part. All these problems I see him, he pretends he does not exist (is more convenient), or am suffering from a problem that is not mine, and he is not suffering, for him is not a problem.
Now I realize that this relationship this messing up my life in every way: emotional, health, work, etc. It sounds crazy, because I can not get out of a relationship that is very clear that does not add anything good for my life?
Response to the person
No way I can advise that break your relationship. However, to help you can become more informed and thus facilitate your decision making process, I present a few tips:
1 What is love?
Simply put, I can say that love is a wide and overwhelming feeling generated in relation to another person, that approaches intimate and meaningful way. Much more could be said. In fact each of us has his own definition of love, and its own way of loving and expressing yourself in love. If you asked ten people what for them is love, surely would get ten different answer.
So when you realize what is at the root of his love, everything becomes clearer. Do not just say you love and ready. Is it because you feel safe? Because you feel understanding of the partner? Why sit proudly next to that person? Because this person is caring and attentive? Why is it smart? Because they share common interests? Why does not feel on your skin?
2 - I can not live alone
Certainly the idea that you must not be able to live alone is illusory. That is, when you get to decide to surely make you realize you can. It is not a matter of getting or not, but decision. Deciding that now is the best. Then you must specify it will be better, and have a concrete idea of the benefits associated with the decision while thinking about what will do in the moments when you feel alone.
3 - I can not leave the relationship
This problem is associated with the former. Again the idea "can not" is illusory. Certainly the times that says you have finished and then come back, is because this was a strategy to try to show your partner that the discomfort is great. But this soon end, functions as an attempt to alert to the partner change something and things can improve.
I think to associate a set of benefits, or things that will win with the end of the relationship, will have no way back. Try to join the end of the relationship a set of ribs (good things or less bad) will win with this decision.
4 There is more than one potential partner
A popular myth about love is that there is a soul mate for everyone. The truth is that there are many soulmates available to us all. Each will bring new experiences, and each will prepare for the next relationship. Each failed experiment will help to know what we do not want in a relationship. If you keep these things in mind, you will be able to finish easier with what you have now. I hope to find someone who can provide you with what you need, and you in turn can do the same for that person.
5 - Contact End
Make sure that, after finishing, you continue not keeping in touch. Also, as you will certainly miss him, remember in the first place, why you broke up with him. You can keep the good memories, but also to remember the reasons which led to the decision to terminate. And above all do not think about what might have been if things went well.
6 - The emotional pain does not last forever
Another myth about the end of the relationship is that the pain has to continue for weeks or months. You will be sad after the decision, because at that moment somehow you still like him, not to hurt.
However, this sadness will not last forever. Feel your sadness and disappointment not not summarize it. realize that this is a difficult time that little by little will go. It engages in some activity, such as exercise, read the paper, cry, but do not get stuck in the past. Do not listen to sad songs or watch sad movies. Avoid places where he can live, as this will only make things worse.
Move on
These are ways to accomplish your goal, then you can begin to move on and live your life. There is no concrete reason for you to feel bad for a long period of time.
Have you used some of these tips to break up with someone you still love? You found the helpful tips? Please share in the comments below.
Hug,