First published in October 1936, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is one of the most popular non-fiction books of all time. The book has sold over 30 million copies and frequently appears on lists for the most influential writings of all time.
Let's take a look at some of Carnegie's suggestions for creating friendships, building relationships, and "making people like you."
Become genuinely interested in other people
"If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfish, and thoughtfulness."
Developing meaningful relationships requires investment of your time and attention. People can generally recognize if you are looking to create a lasting friendship or just a superficial one. Put yourself out there... Others will appreciate it.
Smile
"...The expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back."
Why is smiling important? People want to associate with others who are positive and upbeat. Smiling makes you more approachable when you are in social situations. It will also prevent you from appearing threatening if you are warm and smiling when you decide to make the first introduction.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
"From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others."
Depending on your life circumstances, you might meet several new people each week through work, friends, or other activities. Remembering a person's name will show that you valued your past interactions with that individual. Each of us are living lives in "first-person" and want to feel like we've left a positive impression on others.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
"Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems."
Listening is a fundamental part of communication. Listening not only shows that you are selfless and caring, but it also helps you to build rapport and find shared experiences or values that will help you better connect with that individual.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
"Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties."
During conversation, it's crucial to speak in the other person's relationship. This doesn't simply meaning speaking in Mandarin, English, or Tagalog. It means understanding the needs and objectives of each person involved in the conversation. Everyone has a goal – whether it's emotional connection, personal entertainment, or business dealings – and prioritizing their goals will help you reach yours as well.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
" The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." – William James
Everybody is acting as the main character in their own "hero's journey." Each person has unique traits, skills, and resources to bring to relationships. Identify what the other person is great at, find an opportunity for them to contribute, and make them look like a star.