What do you believe about relationships?
Are all relationships doomed to failure?
How people answer that question will range from a certain yes to a certain no, and everything in between.
So, what was it for you? Was your immediate response an "Um... yes" an "Um... no?"
This is important, because how to feel about relationships, what you believe your chances are of being happy with another person, will affect any relationships you have.
If you believe that relationships are terrible, that members of the opposite sex will inevitably hurt you, that you will ultimately fail in relationships, then, you're probably right.
Nobody or no thing will come along and shake you out of these blinds. They're change your mood or your feeling temporarily, but eventually beliefs at your core will emerge...
These beliefs will determine your path.
As Henry Ford said: "The person who believes he will fail and he person who believes he will succeed is right."
So, when you get a moment between relationships, or even within relationships, it's useful to make a list of your beliefs.
Ask yourself questions in three areas - relationships in general, the opposite sex and you in relationships, and check out your belief system.
Be aware where your answers to these questions are influenced by the emotions of your current or most recent relationship, and question whether or not you're in your permanent belief state, or responding to a current feeling.
Some questions to get you started, but which you can add to in the comments section below, are as follows:
- Relationships in general
Are relationships a good thing?
Are relationships doomed to fail?
Are relationships worthwhile?
Should relationships be pursued?
Are relationships disruptive, and if so in a good or bad way?
- The opposite sex
Are members of the opposite sex inherently bad?
Will members of the opposite sex inevitable hurt you?
Are members of the opposite sex impossible to communicate with?
How can members of the opposite sex enhance your life?
What do members of the opposite sex want from you?
Do members of the opposite sex want to betray you?
Are members of the opposite sex controlled by their biology?
Does any individual of the opposite sex rise above the general nature of their gender?
- About you:
Do you deserve a happy relationship?
Are you able to find a happy relationship?
Has any relationship enhanced your life?
What can you offer another person?
What are you doing to enhance your relationships life?
Are you happy for having had the relationships in your past?
Do you behave in a certain way, repeatedly, from relationship to relationship?
What would you like from a relationship?
Ask yourself the questions you'd like to ask yourself, so that you're clear on your personal stance.
Then, go through each answer, and ask yourself where this belief came from.
Did you answer a certain way because of a childhood memory, a personality trait, a recent experience...?
This will help you separate your core beliefs from individual influences.
How have your beliefs shaped your relationships?
And then look at the list again.
Ask yourself, ultimately, what would you like your relationships to be?
Now go create those relationships.