Spending too much money on your relationship?
If you're spending too much money in your relationship, taking out loans, splashing cash which you just don't have...
Congratulations!
And I say congratulations, because you've got yourself a warning sign.
Going over budget, putting yourself under financial pressure, feeling stress over money, all because you feel this is necessary to maintain the relationship... it's a warning sign that the relationship isn't quite right.
And it's great that you have that warning sign, because if you're overextending yourself in this area, you're likely overextending yourself in other areas, and this can only go one way.
You're going to get ripped apart.
It's likely that the relationship was established in such a way, that you play the provider, the savior, the white knight, the nurse.
You find yourself in a largely one way system where you give more than your means: your time, your money, your energy - anything that you value, until you can give no more.
And when you're used up, you're made to feel like you've let the other person down, that THEY'RE the victim, and they move on to use the next person, and you're left feeling inadequate, and therefore even more eager to give to the next person.
And you can guess how that ends up.
Some people just don't want a sharing, mutually supportive, equally giving relationship
You see, there are people out there who like to give and there are people out there who like to take, and usually they find each other, and hit it off, and the relationship continues until the giver has given all they can. And then the relationship ends. If both parties are ok with this set up, no problem.
But if you're in a relationship of this kind, and you don't want it to end, what can you do?
Well, you can talk to the person. Explain the predicament. And if this disappoints them, enrages them, launches them into a tirade of insults aimed your way, well, good luck continuing that.
You see why the warning sign was a good thing?
Unfortunately, once the dynamic of a relationship has been set up, it's very difficult to change, especially if one of the parties doesn't want to change that dynamic.
Usually, the taker in the relationship will use a proven sales technique in which the "buyer" commits to something of low value in the initial transaction, a drink perhaps, and then through a series of up sells finds themselves buying the whole brewery a month later.
Take the warning sign as a blessing and take the time between relationships to measure out exactly what your means are.
Identify how much of your finances, time and energy you're willing to give to a relationship and set the boundaries.
List all the parts of your life that are important to you: health, family, goals, and ring fence these, too.
And when you've figured out how much space and resources you have to apply to a relationship, you're ready to begin one.
You're not inadequate,
Never feel that you need overextend yourself to deserve a partner. You don't.
When you realize that, you'll find a partner who deserves you.