Hi boys and girls!
I feel like the single and relationship life is talked about a lot. At least back in the day, when I used to read glossy magazines, it was all they would write about..
I have experience with both fields, and also some things to say about this subject.
Since I was a teenager I have been obsessed with relationships. All I wanted was to find a boyfriend and be loved. It felt like that was all I needed to do in life. To be happy and to fit in.
Man, what was I wrong. There is no such thing a someone that makes you happy or completes you. You are the one that has to do this. But I was very insecure and brainwashed by glossy's telling me I needed to find my other half. Ridiculous expression, as if you were not born complete but with a missing part.
So I desperately started my journey of finding a lover. At the time I wasn't even thinking about looks or interests. I just wanted anyone. That's how little self-esteem I had. Obviously I got exactly the opposite. A mountain of men that were only interested in using me once or a couple times.
But I didn't give up. And one day I found Mister Right Then. And we stayed together four years. And man what was I unhappy! Because I started to realize that not everyone would be suitable to have a relationship with.
Don't get me wrong, the guy was a sweetheart and adored me. But I wasn't attracted to him physically or mentally.
After that I have been with guys that were even less suitable for me then this first guy. I blame myself. Because I would never look for someone, I would just pick the ones that came to me. These were men that were physically attracted to me but nothing more. I've tried everything to change myself but this only made things worse.
At the moment I'm finally single. I have had long term relationships since that first guy. It feels like I have been on a roller coaster. But not one of those fun ones. It was draining and exhausting to be with people that were so wrong for me. But I finally realized what was missing. I never had sat down and written down what I'm looking for. What I need in a partner.
How could I 've found him if I didn't even know what I was looking for?
So what I've learned from my time as a single lady is that you must know what you're looking for in order to actually find it. In have to mention that in this time that I have been single. I have not been dating anyone. No casual hookups, nothing. I really was quite broken after my last break up so I needed the rest. But now I feel open for love again.
One morning I sat down, and wrote it down. Wow I learned new things about myself. I didn't even know I needed this from a partner. My list is not very big, but bigger than expected. And thats alright. I encourage everyone to make a list like this, even though this goes against everything they tell you in those glossy magazines.
What I have learned is that I need certain things in a partner or else I will not be satisfied. Of course a relationship is much more that a list of traits. But it's a good start. It makes it very easy to recognize these things your'e looking for in others. And also to see that someone really isn't a match.
I won't settle for less anymore. Because I realize that this will result in another terrible breakup. I'm looking for someone that fits to me and my life and the other way around. But if this person doesn't exist, that's ok. I will be okay. Because I am complete and not waiting for my other half.