Dating can be amazing, hot, entertaining but also disappointing. It is also easy to forget about time and what matters in the long run. Sure that boy in your bed is super hot and so have the last ten been but none of them, let's be honest here, have been proper boyfriend material right? During all this dating and light-hearted amusement, you might have lost sight on the future because it feels so so faaar awaaay... However, during this dating adventure of yours, you have the possibility to invest in yourself -and- your future by getting a backup partner! Yes, I know, this all sounds a little crazy and also mostly confusing as I have not yet explained what a backup partner is fully.
What is a Backup Partner?
A backup partner is basically someone you can consider settling down for and with if all else fails. This does not mean that the partner needs to well, suck enough for you to not want to be with immediately, quite the opposite, it is someone you might want to take on right now but you know it might be wiser in the future when you are ready to commit and not have a bed full of cute boys.
How do I Find one Then?
There a couple of different ways to find the right backup partner for you depending on how your age and what your love life looks like. If you are still in school it can be pretty easy since you know that the people there most likely will be worth to settle down with since they are actually getting an education. Start looking at your campus like a large buffé of potential future husbands or wives! Unless you go to art school, then you might want to check out other schools because let's face it, that art degree is not exactly a guaranteed pay off. Maybe it is for you since you are super talented and I believe in you, but I am not so sure about the others. Even if it is super romantic to date a passionate painter it might not be so hot to find him or her crying over unsold art 20 years later while the person is also downing that expensive bottle of wine you bought for dinner with the Andersons tomorrow. Damn...
What About the Rest of us Then?
You are not without hope even if you have finished school however. Dating sites, friends of co-workers (and one of those cute bed boys might actually prove to not just be a pretty face and bod) are all valid options. Just remember to be picky, this is not just for fun, it is an investment so you got to find the risks. Before even asking the potential backup if he or she is interesting, it is good to make a thorough risk assessment. Potential risks to look for are basically what you would find in a regular long-term partner, like does he drink too much, does she seem like someone who can handle finances well and not become a gambling addict and most importantly, is the person allergic to cats or not? Because you totally want cats later on too, right? So go out there and search, because the next part can be a bit tricky.
Found Someone Who Might be Fitting, What now?
Well, asking someone "So, wanna potentially get hitched in 15 years?" Is something you'd only hear from a very clingy one night stand or someone who experiences time a lot more differently than most do. There are clearly several factors that can either make or break your possibilities of being able to just continue to have fun, carefree dating for years to come. Here are some that are worth considering:
Time: This is not something you ask on the first night, or the second. It can actually take years of casual sex or friendship before you can even start hinting at this question jokingly. Take your time, few investments pay off the first night after all. Also, wine is excellent but it tastes a lot better when it has aged a bit. This has nothing to do with this I just really like wine.
Place: Where you do it is very important too. This is an odd proposal but should not be treated like a romantic one. This is a playful one without pressure. "But Kitty" You might ask yourself, "I thought this was supposed to be a serious commitment so I could stop worrying about ending up alone in my late 30's" And it sort of is but also not. This is sort of like calling dibs on someone with the other person knowing, just in case none of you have found anything better along the way! So... Back to the place. Couch or kitchen usually works the best for this, even bed in some cases. It should not be super intimate however so bed might be a bad place to ask, unless you are both the most chill people ever and if you are hit me up because I want to hang out with you.
Preparation: This is not something you should ask sober. Unless you both are super chill because once again, if you are I wanna hang ok? This is also not something you'd ask during a candlelit dinner either. This is more of a... Hanging out chilling late at night-thing, perhaps after being at the pub with friends then meeting you potential future backup partner afterwards since you sort of don't want to introduce this to your friends yet. Or after you both got drunk while playing video games, you probably get what I mean without more examples. So, create the perfect night and atmosphere for this and then... Ask.
How to Convince the Potential Backup that you are not Crazy
If you have followed the past steps this is hopefully nothing you have to worry about but make sure you ask the right way. When I asked my future backup partner he already knew I was a bit crazy so I guess that helped. How I asked, well I said it as a joke, always good to say things as a joke in case you have totally misread the other person in question. So we were in bed, suitably tipsy, and I said "So... Want to like... Be my backup partner in case we do not find someone else to marry when we are 40 or something?" And voilá, five years later we are still going with this plan. We moved the age down a couple of years because let's face it, who has the energy to date around for 20 years? Plus one might want to have children and, according to my biological clock, I should start sooner rather than later.
The one I had in Mind Called me Crazy and Will Not Answer my Calls Anymore, now What?
So, you can't win every time. Hopefully, you did not lose all that much time and energy on this investment, but I know you. You are clever and talented so you had some backups for your potential backup partner right? I knew you did! Keep on prepping, keep on asking and one day one of your investments will pay off and you can finally live a life where you no longer have to live with the fear of ending up alone while you still can have fun with cute bed boys and girls along the way!
If you liked this guide, you might like these by me:
How to Survive Spending the Holidays with your Divorced Parents, as an Adult
How to Survive a Cold Winter
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