Who says that to their husband?? I did...earlier today.

You see we are weird. The word "weird" is often thrown out as a judgement, like being different is bad or wrong. But like I always tell my kids, the real meaning of the word weird is just unusual, foreign, or different than what you are accustomed to. And so yes, our relationship is definitely different than what most people in marriages are accustomed to.

You see we recently have had a lovely young woman, Johannie, move in to our home. Although she is much younger than Hive account@sean-king or me, she has become a good friend of ours through our common interest in healthy living and yoga. Her Life circumstances were such that she needed a place to live, and ours were such that we happened to have unused space in our home and needed help with running the household and the yoga studio. So it's a perfect match of friendship and needs met.

(Johannie and me enjoying sunset from my in-law's boat)

While we know that in time she will make new friends in our town, she has moved here from another city knowing no one but us. Some days she gets lonely and you can tell she just needs a hug. That's why I asked my husband to go and give her some love. To go and "hug on the hottie in the basement."

I have zero concerns about this arrangement or him hugging on her.

You see Sean and I have absolutely no worries about indiscretion between us. We have unconditional trust in one another's honesty and openness. I know with all of my being that He would not be with another woman and hide it, and he knows and expects the very same from me.

We have fostered this honest and open approach to our relationship for over 30 years. I know we are unique. In fact what's really weird to me is how dishonesty and sneaking around is considered much more normal.

I've had a few male friends over the years who have hit in me--asked me to go out to dinner, drinks, take a day and drive through the mountains...whatever. To check their honesty, I told them that I thought that might be nice, but that I don't sneak around and that my husband would be fully aware of where I was and who I was with. That weirded them out so badly that they decided they weren't up for that after all!

Wtf? Why is being open and honest so unusual?

Why are we so attached to being the only one our significant other is allowed to have feelings for? Why do we need that to feel validated? Why are so many people threatened by their partner even looking at the image of another attractive person online?

Why do we tell our children that we love each of them with all of our hearts, and that our love for their siblings does not diminish our love for them at all. And yet we act as if that approach to love can only apply to loving them, but can't possibly work with adult relationships?

(all photo credits in this post go to Hive account@sean-king)

I say "we" above because I too used to feel that way. Early in my relationship with Sean I was very threatened if I saw him look at another girl. I was really unsure of myself and was afraid that by looking around he would find better and leave me! At this stage I needed his undivided love and attention to feel validated as lovable, attractive, and secure. And, I expressed this to him! That's really the difference...we have long had a no-hiding policy.

Sean deserves the credit for this policy and its results. In our relationship, and hell just in life, he has always refused to deny the truth or avoid conflict just for comfort. So through the years every fear, anger, jealousy, resentment, desire, etc between us has not been repressed, but has been expressed, talked through...sometimes ad nauseum, and eventually resolved. The roots of such feelings have been dug out and exposed so that we can live life going forward with honesty and clarity.

“Love happens only when you are mature. You become capable of loving only when you are a grown-up. When you know that love is not a need but an overflow—“being-love” or “gift-love”—then you give without any conditions.”

Excerpt From: Osho. “Maturity"

I don't love this man because he fills in what is missing in me. I don't hold on to him in an attached way to be sure I continue to be fed that which I lack on my own. We are each free to be with whomever we want, and yet we always always choose each other. My love for him overflows from my insides and makes me want to GIVE every part of myself to him. I don't do this consciously to gain anything back. But because he too is a mature adult who has worked through his shit and has clarity of vision in who he is, he overflows his love back to me and these two overflows coming together synergistically feed one another into higher and higher vibrations of love, adoration, and trust.

(oops...except for this one. I get photo credit here. ;p)

So yes, I'm completely comfortable with Sean giving some much needed love "to the hottie in the basement." There is plenty of love to go around and the more you give anything the more you get back. So, go give some love today.