This is my REAL LIFE STORY to give you some insight into my life.
First my father was diagnosed with cancer and I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me. Living far away is not easy when you have an ill parent. My father went in for an operation to have the cancer removed but landed up in ICU under a sedated coma for one whole month! They realized that the cancer had spread and couldn't do anything for him so, they closed him up. I flew to see him the first time but did he know I was there? I prented like he did, spoke to him and told him everything he missed out on. There were so many machines and tubes keeping him alive and a nurse sitting at the end of his bed monitoring him 24/7. I wasn't even allowed to hold his hand..........
When he finally woke up and was moved to the general ward, I decided to fly and visit him again. It was a rather short visit but I made the most of our time together. He was weak and could not do much on his own, where did my dad go? This was the last time I took a photo with my father as I wanted to remember him healthy and strong, just the way he was while I was growing up. (I just realized that this post is going to take me much longer to write as I constantly have to stop and wipe the tears from my eyes while typing this)
My father was my hero, my rock and I could phone him anytime and ask his advise. Sometimes we would phone each other just for fun and to say hello. I have so many fond memories of my dad and wish I had them all on tape or CD to remind me of our relationship. With time passing the memories seem to fade little by little and I am trying my best to cling on to them as much as I can.
The last time I flew out to visit my father I knew this is it, I won't have the opportunity again. By then he was really ill, could hardly walk or talk. He got exhausted quickly but tried his best to keep my spirit up. Wasn't it meant to be the other way around? I found myself asking lots of questions to which I did not understand the answers, simply because I was too young.
I still remember the night the phone rang and deep in my heart I knew before I even answered. I picked up but didn't greet whoever was on the otherside of the line. Then a soft voice said " He passed away about 15minutes ago" Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I fell to my knees still holding the phone by my ear. I would never see him again, never hear his voice or hold him in my arms. My life will never be the same..............................
They say time heals all and the pain will go away. Let me tell you the PAIN will NEVER go away! It has been 16years now and I still cry, the pain might fade a little bit and you find other things to occupy yourself with but the memories linger when you least expect them to. When ever a song plays in the supermarket or on the radio that you sang together, you will find yourself filled with all kind of emotions. I remember playing a voicemail my dad left on my phone over and over again just to hear his voice.
I found myself asking WHY? Why my dad? The same question so many other people ask when they loose a loved one. But nobody seems to be able to answer until one day I was listening to a radio station and a little boy had lost a cow to the drought and was asking the same question. A simple reply was God did not ask why his son had to die for our sins and this made me think God was my answer. I turned to God and I experienced a sense of calm inside of me. God showed me that all I need is faith and this is where my real journey with God began.
Then just a few years later.........my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I will do another post on this as emotions are running high and it is difficult to type with all the tears running down my cheecks.
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