At the age of 21 I was in a hotel with my then girlfriend and had an amazing spiritual awakening(further information on this in later posts)....The only way I can explain it is I knew God was real, the presence in that room was so strong and real I just knew God was real....It was so powerful that it made me call my evangelical mom at 2 am in the morning and admit to her that God was real and I wanted to go to church....The religion of christianity was all I knew of and so it was what I turned to...
Over the next 3 years I began living a spiritually moral life as taught by fundemental christianity....I was told to turn from my life long friends, to read my bible, pray, and have more faith and so I did.....I mean I was a broken 21 year old with a heroine addicted father, my college football dreams broken and life falling apart for me....So to say I was very impressionable is to say the least......
What began was a vicious circle of me failing to live up to the super moral standards of christianity, and then feeling like God was mad at me, separated from me, and so guilt, shame, and condemnation would take over......Then I would go through this rigorous repenting cycle, and finding forgiveness from God and feeling accepted again and loved......I was taught sin separated us from God and then I was taught what sin was and it all created a deep and horrible fear of a angry God and created a low self-esteem, and self-worth.....
No matter how hard I prayed, and no matter how much of my bible I read I still struggled, why????? God must be mad at me was the final deep rooted belief I had for 2 decades!!!
So I decided to leave the church at 24 and what I was told was God would never bless me and my life was going to never be worth anything(can you say CULT).....Wow, now looking back I see how damaging and awful these words were, and especially because I respected and believed in these people this is called SPIRITUAL ABUSE.....Decades of lingering spiritual abuse!
This is not to say I don't believe in the love of Jesus, but it's to say that religion and made-made doctrines create fear and indoctrinate a false narrative of who God is.....
This is a short introduction to why I am now a voice and advocate against the damaging lies of religion. Religion and its lies create years and years and years of damage. Love of God is uncondtional and everything else is man made....
You ARE accepted, loved, and never seperated from God.....We are One with God and God is Love
Much love and blessings.....
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