Every year I say that I don’t believe in making resolutions on specific significant dates because one should be free enough and determined enough to start doing what must be done literally any moment, preferably RIGHT NOW. So trying to start “anew” on a specific date seems like something reserved for the weaklings with no willpower.
Is it true? Yes and no. Everyone is different. Plans and schedules work for some, but not others. Many of us would benefit from better organizational and planning skills while many others are waaaay too dependent on such tools already, so the tools become crutches. This latter kind of people would benefit from more spontaneous behaviors and unplanned endeavors that might bring surprising results.
I spoke to my father about planning and resolutions after our hearty New Year’s Eve dinner together, but our conversation was mostly focused on addiction as we were sipping red wine which usually accompanies us during evening meals.
“You can’t quit anything by planning to do it on Monday, or New Year’s eve, or your birthday. When a person is ready to quit, they will get up and crumble that cigarette pack, smash that beer bottle, break that needle/pipe/glass/game console RIGHT NOW, not “starting next Monday”. It will happen NOW, the start of the “new life” is always NOW, tomorrow does not exist.
I agree. To a point though. I don’t mind planning or even just dreaming — both of these activities are super inspiring and cool. But I also know my patterns. All too well I know the promises and the grand plans to do something later that never come into existence.
Yet when the time comes, I still make mental notes and create another set of resolutions in my head. Do they get fulfilled? Barely. Maybe it’s because I’ve never taken the time to make an actual plan or even write things down, and my own character needs serious adjustments.
I was planning to start anew right after the holidays, but it’s January second today and I am still mentally recovering from the so-called “vacation”, which, due to my specific life circumstances, wasn’t a relaxing time at all. My plan to reduce wine drinking to once per week at dinner time (and no more than 2 glasses) hasn’t been implemented yet either. On a positive note, though, I started running almost every day and made some other personal improvements in food and self-care. I am more psychologically prepared for some changes that are expected to happen in my relationship, and there is no more fear or doubt that we will make it through all the challenges yet to come. Right now I am in the process of minimizing everything that burdens me and fogs my vision, and to t et something new (that might actually work) I am starting to write things down on paper and keep track of several aspects of my life differently from just “mental notes” in my head.
I am relieved that the holidays are over. I am enjoying my kid being at home. She is relaxing while also accompanying me to dog walks, walks at the beach, and other everyday activities. It normally takes me 2-3 days to get myself together after pretty much every major holiday, and it’s funny because one would think it’s gotta be different for a person who is so much out of it. I do get overwhelmed because it’s not like I’m living on a deserted island where holidays and other social events truly don’t matter.
The New Year night remains the winner of them all on the scale of what matters emotionally. It’s the one that most reminds me of my childhood. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but every time I feel a little bit like I am a kid again, and I am so happy that I still have the luxury to spend the evening with my parents.
Life can be so scary. I try to avoid relying on “comfort things”, and as the time goes on, find more and more comfort and security within myself. I know that’s the only way it should be once you stop being a child, but some things are hard to let go. Also, I know that I am rather lucky. Some children get robbed of their childhood in the very first years of their lives.
Here are some pics from today’s walk.
The world is beautiful ))
