We often think that getting respect and being aggressive go hand in hand. Unfortunately, it’s often the bully that gets the most respect in the schoolyard and even in the workplace. But there are other ways to achieve respect. At the same time you can’t truly force someone to respect you deep inside. If you want the true respect you have to give respect to other people, even if you don’t agree with them. You have to show to people that you can understand why they might think certain way.
For example if you are religious, at the same time you might understand why someone is an atheist. You have to understand that for that popular believe is the strong case. The case for an atheism is there’s been 300 to 400 years of brilliant scientist who have been doing nothing but laying the foundation for an objective empirical atheism. By telling this to an atheist before providing the reasons for being religious would get his respect and attention to your view point. This might sound counterproductive, if you are trying to persuade someone, but it actually makes people more open to changing their minds. In any discussion, the absolute hardest thing to do is to admit that you might be wrong and risk appearing dumb. That’s why sometimes saying things like, “Hey, you raise a great point,” or “ I totally se why you see things that way,” is so important if you find yourself in a heated argument. It lets the other person not to feel dumb, if they wind up changing their mind. So this is the way how you can get people to open up to your views without having to push them around. You can contrast that with the standard political discussion, where two sides basically just yell their points of view at one another. No one changes their mind form a discussion like that.
Even though it might be tempting to win an argument by making really incisive points that make the other person look dumb, you have to recognize that it actually makes them less likely to change their behavior, If you don’t also validate something about their position. You might even raise a hypothetical question that opposite side might have about your point of view. Once you completely reversed someone position, you have to be extra careful not to make other person feel stupid. The other person needs to be able to save face.
