I know that I sleep amusingly, putting my arm out with the open palm.
If my 16-year-old son wakes up earlier than me, he has fun, putting something on my palm.
This humorist laughs cheerfully when I wake up with a candy, a plum or a small toy frog in my hand.
But this morning I woke up with a key gripped in my hand tightly.
I was looking at this key in bewilderment, while a smiling son was explaining that the key was brought by a courier in the early morning.
A little toy animal was hanging from my hand, attached to a key.
It was a strange funny fluffy animal between a squirrel and a dog.
I stared at it for a long time, it looked vaguely familiar to me.
And I had remembered this little animal and this key.
It was 20 years ago.
I was 21 and Mark was 25, and we were madly in love.
It was a strange love. We loved each other and pained each other.
We endlessly quarreled.
Sometimes I hated him.
But we could not live without each other for a day.
We were both young, temperamental, vulnerable, we both had such a strong feeling.
Oh how we loved! It was like we meant the world to each other...
Our quarrels were terrible.
But how pleasant conciliations were...
We were dating in Mark's one-room flat.
I was so happy and so unhappy, laughing and crying in turn.
Maybe we would get married after all, but fate decreed that Mark moved to another country, where he didn’t want me in his life anymore. It was incredibly painful.
Weeping, I have returned him the key, this one, with a fluffy animal.
The years passed, I knew nothing about Mark, and no one lived in his flat.
I often thought about him and the happy times I had spent with him, when I experienced a love so deep, strong and complex.
But sometimes I was even glad that it all happened and Mark was away.
My life became quieter without Mark, without that exhausting and tormenting love.
After a while I calmly got married, gave birth to a son, calmly divorced.
In general, I was quite happy now.
I turned the little animal around.
Yes, there was a little note "I'm waiting for you here" on its back.
So Mark is back...
I'm looking at the key in confusion. So many years have already passed...
What should I do? Should I go to him or not?
To love and suffer again? Or prefer a quiet life without passion?
I do not know ...