I have been seeing my daughter regularly. I guess, I am trying to see if there is some sort of "spark" kind of like when The Grinch's heart grows big and he is suddenly filled with love for Christmas. So far that has not happened. I dont really know if it ever will. Dont get me wrong, I have had some cute little moments as a new dad (its almost impossible not to), but I still view her as just this cute little thing that: eats, sleeps and poops that her mother decided was more important that my entire life. Ultimately, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that its not anyone's fault but my own.
I should have gotten snipped when I had the chance. I should have never trusted her mother. But it is what it is now and although I am largely a victim in all of this; nevertheless, there is a child involved here. What I am realizing is, its not so much the baby that makes me loath being a father! Quite to the contrary, its the ADULTS that one has to deal with that make the experience intolerable. Granted being a parent is a BURDEN (dont let anyone tell you otherwise) but its not the excruciating hell hole of an existence because of the kid. No, its the grown people you have to deal with as a result of the kid that makes being a parent a hundred times worse.
I went by to see my daughter the other day and her uncle and his wife and kids were there. Me and he used to be cool (well, thats over). He treated me like I was inhuman and barely acknowledged my presence. I get it... he probably thinks I just banged his sister and bounced and if that was true then I can see him being pissed off, but here is the thing, the guy is a hypocrite! He was going to leave his girl (now wife) and then she got knocked up and this goofy idiot decided to marry her in a shotgun wedding! Now to see his wife... WOW she blew up like a balloon after those kids and I know he isnt happy about it. So basically this guy hates me for having the guts to do what he never could and leave.
Then you got my child's grandmother. I thought she was warming up to me (seeing how I didnt just run off) but when he was there she didnt even acknowledge me either! I guess that is what I get for trying to be a dad at all. Its so weird, but this experience has made me PRO LIFE in the sense that...
FUCK IT! IF A MAN CANNOT OPT OUT AND A WOMAN CAN FORCE A KID ON HIM.... THEN EVERYONE SUFFERS, GO TO THOSE BACK ALLEYS IF YOU HAVE TO! ITS BETTER THAN ONE SEGMENT OF PEOPLE HAVE UNEQUAL LEGAL TREATMENT. REPEAL ROE V. WADE ITS THE ONLY FAIR THING TO DO.
