When I was eleven years old, I made the mistake of sharing my desire to learn drums with a peer. She laughed, made a scene and told me she couldn’t imagine me being a drummer. I stopped wanting to learn drums after that.
I became painfully aware of my ‘image’; the realisation that I fitted neatly into the awkward, quiet girl box that people were putting me in. I never wanted to be in that box, but I thought I didn’t have a choice. My desire to break the mould was strong but I didn’t know how to do it; how to make that first step.
As I got older and more confident in being me, I claimed my awkwardness and my unwillingness to try new things as a ‘quirk’. Like, this “awkward-nobody” person is my personality. #YouDoYou
It wasn’t until I was shown an example of a successful socially-capable person, that I realised I probably had the strength in me to push my own boundaries. That person was my now-husband.
Let’s define the kind of person.
This person:
- Is self-aware
- Tries new things
- Constantly aspires to be ‘better’
- Asks for feedback and accepts correction
- Ignores the possibility of failure and fully commits to a task
- Has wisdom to discern when not to take criticism onboard
- Choses to ignore their self-consciousness and fake confidence instead
- Recognises their undesirable personality traits and works to improve them
- Commits to new ventures longer than just a few weeks. 100% effort. 100% time.
I met my husband when he had already figured life out, shed his awkward teenage years and knew what he wanted his world to look like. It was only when I started to get to know him better that I learnt this hadn’t come naturally, it was something he’d worked on and strived for. In a way, this gave me hope that I could do the same.
Everyone needs someone like my husband to look up to.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to have someone around that pushes you to be better. Quite frankly, if you only associate with potatoes, you become a potato by proxy.
There are positive and negative ways to do this, however. One friend of mine pushed me to get my driver’s licence by calling me a burden on my husband. Had I got my licence at the time, it would have been out of spite. Had it been said out of love, I would have gotten my licence much earlier.
Then there are friends who lead by example, strive to be the best and ask you to come along for the ride. I can’t begin to explain how exciting an invitation that is to receive.
The process to becoming self-confident, striving for new and better, takes years. But most importantly, it requires role models. Imitation is the easiest form of improvement. And who knows, maybe I’ll take up drum lessons one day 😉