She shook her head, “I didn’t bring it. I was hoping you could fill this one for me.” Admitting her true attention.
“Oh hell no!” Gray said. Benjamin let out a short laugh, one that would melt her heart. She smiled, “Or maybe you should pay it for me?” As a reply, he nodded quickly. Gray mumbled something under his breath, drinking again with satisfaction written on his face. Jessica took a bite, curious of this subject they were hiding from her.
“You can tell me what it is. I promise I’ll stay quite.” She said to Benjamin, who was staring out the window. The thoughts in his mind was a mystery to her, a mystery she wished she could know about. What was he thinking in his silence, looking out the window when there was nothing there to see but darkness and shaking trees under the wind?
He took his time to answer, waiting for Gray to say something; but Gray was focusing on a song played on the radio. The tune was catchy. Hit me baby one more time! Britney sang.
“It's juts some documents he needs to move to another office somewhere across the state.”
“And you’re not coming with him?” She threw an accusing look at Gray, “I thought that’s what he wanted to talk about with you.” Benjamin took another drink, still in the middle of his glass. Benjamin, she had noticed, wasn’t much of a drinker even though he still did. He could hold a glass of beer and still had it half full after hours. Or maybe he just wanted to be polite? He never ordered beer unless someone bought for him.
“He thinks if he keeps on talking to me, he’ll get me to change my mind about this whole thing. You know I won’t Jess, you know I don’t like taking big risks like that.” He leaned back, their eyes met with silent words. There was so much she wanted to tell him, let him know about. About how lonely she was, how much she needed someone to hold on to, to kiss at night when she woke up with shivers of her lasting nightmares, and more. There was just something about this man, maybe because of how long they’ve known each, that made her think he would hold the secrets of the world for her. He could hold them, and he would if she asked him too. But how foolish of her to think that way of him?
“I know.” She said lamely, hoping for him to look away or, she wasn’t sure what she was expecting but surely not his wide grin. “You do?” He chuckled, “From the years I’ve known you, Jessica, I wonder how much you know me. I guess you know that much.”
“Heh...” What should she say now? “You wondered about that?”
“Ey, stop chattin and eat your chicken, its gettin cold.” Gray said from the other side. The other man simply looked drunker than he already did. He had his eyes half opened, the glass empty again, and his body starting to lean back on an empty space before sleeping there. “Uhm...” He said something under his breath.
“You better take that ass home Benji.” The cook said, pointing his spatula at Gray.
“You often do this?” Jessica asked, ignoring the man.
“I don’t. I always have that sense of timing where I go before someone actually collapses out of alcohol. It helps me run away from the unnecessary responsibility.” He said while looking at Gray, his eyebrows drawn together into a silent disagreement. “Goddamn it Gray.” He said standing up.
She reached out to him unconsciously, stopping him mid air. “Please.” Was all she said, enough to make him sit down again. There must be enough plead in her voice that he sat back again, waiting for her to say something. She didn’t. Instead she ate, waiting for that painful moment where she wanted him to stay and he would just leave, like everyone would. But the pain didn’t come. She was eating and Benjamin stayed.
“I guess your sense of timing doesn’t work as well anymore.” Jessica said after a few bites.
“Well, I couldn’t leave you here alone with him.” Benjamin confessed. “I’d like a guilt-free chest when I close my eyes.” Jessica abandoned her plate, all feeling of hunger gone from her stomach. It was two thirty in the morning and even though she was physically tired, she wanted to wrestle Benjamin into her bed.
“Thank you.” She said, feeling guilty now. “For thinking that far for me.” To her surprise, he snorted.
“Why so formal? We’ve been friends forever. I can even still remember you in that pink barbie doll bikini on fourth grade.” She slapped his shoulder, closing her mouth in surprise. “You remember!”
“It is the image that pops up in my mind every time someone mentions your name, Jess.” He laughed, slipping both hands in his pocket. Strangely, she needed to fake her laugh. Was that true?
“You’re just like Jasmine, really.” He moved closer, making her heart skip a beat. But Jasmine was his sisters name. How could she have her heart racing over a man who doesn’t see her as a woman? Well she still can, but a broken heart is promised on the other end of this story she knew.
“In what way?” Typical, pouring salt on her own wound.
“You’re always so serious. Taking this kind of thing so personally. Sometimes people are just good at heart, you know? They don’t do it because its ‘you’ they’re doing it for being good.” It stung. Jessica nodded with a large smile and took another bite, not knowing exactly how she could ever return from that. All this time, she thought that maybe he looked at her in a special way. But she was wrong.
“Does your hotel need an employee? For receptionist or something?”
He thought about it. “I don’t think so. I would have heard about it by now if they needed more.”
“Oh.” She said, taking another bite despite her stiff tongue. “I really need a job this very week if I want to pay for next month.” She finally said it, on the edge of tears. What was it again about not laughing so much so you wouldn’t cry in the end? Oh yeah, she laughed to much with her friends about her problems. All they said was, ‘Its going to be okay.’
No. Its not going to be okay. And now, she’s just bearing holding on in front of Benjamin. He was an old friend, but they were more of close neighbor. Someone you could borrow some sugar as much as you like without having to think of giving something back.
“Hey... Hey Jessica...” He said. “Come here.” Pulling her in his arms. He smelled like cheap cologne, old jacket, and Benjamin. The smell of his body calmed her when she bit her tongue not to sob. She raised her face to feel the curve of his neck, hearing his soothing voice. “You’re an amazing hard working woman Jessica. There will be better companies out there lucky enough to have you. For the mean time if you can’t pay the rent, you can always crash with me.” He said, giving her what others couldn’t. Assurance, a back up plan, a ‘if this happens then I can still do this’.
“Thank you.”
“You know you can always ask me for help. Now we need to get this sucker back in his van so we can go back and sleep. I have work tomorrow.” He said, giving her a hard last hug. She nodded towards him, realizing she was also making him pay for his meal. “I-I’ll pay you back for this meal.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He wave it off.
Jessica stood behind him, pulling one of Gray’s hand. Pushing him up Benjamin’s back. Jessica took the money Benjamin left on the table and left it for the cook to take on the counter. Following both of them to one of the dark alleys, just a block away. An old black van was parked near garbage containers and bottle carts.
“He lives here?” She helped opened the back van. Surprisingly, it was clean inside.
“You can’t have a permanent home if you work in his line of work,” Benjamin said under his breath, throwing Gray on his old mattress. With a bang, Jessica closed the back door and walked out with Benjamin. The two walked down the road together as rain slowly washed down on them.