I had to be ruthless with my routine. 4am meditation. 5am water. 6am exercise. 7am shower. 8am breakfast. 9am to do list. My meditation was on intense self-love. My water was 2 litres distilled. My exercise was dips, push-ups, chin-ups. My shower was freezing cold. My breakfast was 3,000 calories of raw organic gluten free oats, raisins, bananas, coconut milk, peanut butter with added protein. My to do list had 3 major things on it to be done by 11am. I followed the sundown rule. I was vegan, and I was clean and super immune from every addiction and disease known to man. I had the intense self-discipline of a buddhist monk and the soul of an absolute warrior. My heart fought for the dreams in my mind's eye. I had to prepare myself every day to breathe through the pain of failure. I felt alive on the inside. Ready for war. One-up on the world. I knew my God was cold and merciless, so that's how I faced him every day. As hard and as real as it gets. As strong and as honest as I knew how to be at that time. It worked. I had tried everything else...