This post is for me. I'm a chronic quitter and sharing my story is an attempt to stay on track, to motivate myself to be the kind of human I desperately want to be. All I want to do is set modest goals for myself and then achieve them. It sounds so simple. Easy-peasy. Just do it, right?
No sir, no way. Somehow something as easy as meditating for five minutes a day turns into this monumental task that bares its yellow fangs at me. "Go home," it says. "You can't do this so don't bother trying."
So I retreat, ashamed, licking my wounded ego and promising myself to never try hard at anything again because my battered heart can't take another failure.
Yet, as my sister has said, "Struggling is the point of being human. It's how we learn." So here I am, trying something again. My goal is to train consistently for a half-marathon race in October. I want to develop healthy habits that will stick with me throughout my life. Lots of people have robust, meaningful lives and this is how I will attempt, once again, to kickstart mine.
The scared and hopeless Beccs shakes her head at this and smiles indulgently, but the Beccs I foresee crossing the finish line in October says "Rock on, girl! You're strong and beautiful and this effort is worthwhile. You deserve positive change. You deserve happiness."
I like that Rebecca much, much more. She's my pal.
So, in the spirit of accomplishing goals, I've decided to use this community to share my journey, starting with my first run.
This run was about breaking the seal on my inactivity. It was also surprisingly difficult. Everything jiggled uncomfortably, my chest hurt, my face beamed red and hot. I was proud of myself for starting, but ashamed of my body, my breathlessness, my turtle-pace.
I have many aspirations, but my main goal is simply to eat moderately and move my body regularly. And when I cross the finish line in October, I plan on feeling like a superstar.