In 2015, I was a running machine of sorts. I was running between 30-50 miles per week and I did really well in a lot of races that year. I pushed myself so hard that at the end of the year I ended up in the hospital with heart problems. I had to take 3 months off and see a cardiologist almost weekly. My entire life revolved solely around running in 2015 and in a blink of an eye it was gone from my life.
Although running was something I was extrmely passionate about, I had a dark secret-I was severly bulimic that year as well. I was so fixated on losing weight so I could be lighter and run faster that in the end, I was just very sick. I also had very bad body dismorphia and could only see a disgusting obese person in the mirror.
I eventually got help and my recovery journey has been a long, slow journey. I went from binging and purging to only abusing laxatives to only obsessively weighing myself. I finally got rid of ALL of the eating disorder behaviors and the scale about 6 months ago.
Another huge step in my recovery was that I found veganism. It has changed my life is so many positive ways. I am finally to a place in life where I view food as nutrition to fuel my body rather than some sort of evil enemy. I am now so in tune with my body that I know exactly what foods make me feel great and which food make me feel icky. I eat to make my body feel great, not to focus on weight loss.
As for the body dismorphia, it's pretty much gone now. I am starting to feel more and more confident about my physical appearance. I have never ever ran without a shirt on. Today was the 2nd day ever that I did so. It may seen minor to some, but after my long history with eating disorders and body dismorphia, it is an incredible feeling to be able to run without a shirt on and feel free!
On another note, after taking 2 years off of running, I am not nearly as fast as I used to be. I have working on being very patient with my body and I've learned to take it one run at a time. With some consistency, I know I will get my speed back:) Anything in life is possible. Never ever give up on your dreams no matter what anyone tells you. Love yourself♡
