Before I Even Begin, I Live In Eastern Ukraine!
Let me start off by saying that. I am an American civilian. I live in Industrialnya District, on the eastern edge of Kharkiv, Ukraine. If I spit out my living room window on a windy day, the spit lands in Russia.
So when it comes to the situation in Ukraine, I don't get my information from White House press briefings, or "anonnimus sorcez" inside the White House who could be anything from the intern under the president's desk to the janitor cleaning the toilet. I get my information by living right on what Biden calls the "front lines." In other words, unlike the Democrat-controlled Western Media, I have some semblance of a clue what the blood-dripping syphillitic fuck I'm actually talking about when it comes to the situation in Ukraine. I was not sent here on the orders of Joe Biden either. If anything, it would be closer to the truth to say I came here for the express purpose of getting OUT from under the Biden Administration's incompetence. You with me so far? Good. Now then, let me say this.
There is no fucking war here, and there will continue to not be a fucking war here, unless that stupid sonofabitch Joe Biden Starts one!
You see, US "president" 酒笨蛋 (Pinyin: Jiǔ Bèndàn, pronounced "Joe Bunden," see footnote (1)) has been wandering around incoherently ranting "repent! The Invasion is at hand!" like a street preacher on acid for most of his misbegotten administration (McFarland). He has sounded like some bizarre mix of Chicken Little and Paul Revere, crying "the Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!" And now, he has finally pinned down a date for the Russian invasion he has been yammering about for months. The invasion, we're told is going to happen on February 16 (Ward & Forgey)... unless it happens before then... or after then (Martin, Brennan, O'Keefe & Cook). Because after all, just because we pinned down a specific date for an event we have been predicting (against the entire world's denials) for months, that doesn't mean we're certain of anything (Schifrin).
Well, today is the 16th. And as I look out my living room window at the Russian border on the Eastern horizon, there is no invasion. It came as little surprise to anyone with any sense, that Jiǔ Bèndàn's predictions held about as much water as his claims, as he snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in Afghanistan, that the evacuation of Kabul would not look like the evacuation of Saigon.
Remember this, slow-Joe?
But this is not to say there was no crisis. No, the last four days have been chaotic. Why? Because the country has been filled with panicky, desperate people. Every bank has suffered a run. Grocery stores are empty due to panic-buying. Every time a car engine backfires (which is common, given that half the cars on the road here were built in old Soviet factories during the Yeltsin years), people scream and run. And why are they so afraid? Because of Putin's threats?
Hell no. Nothing happening on the border is new! The Russian military presence at the border has been a constant since 2014 (when Obama's limp-dicked approach to foreign policy made it obvious America would respond with as little force as we did in Georgia or Crimea). No. The reason people are panicking is because this time, a US President said it! I talk to Ukrainians every day (that kinda happens when you live in Ukraine, see?), and I have not met one, not a single one, who EVER, for a single instant, believed there was a chance in Hell of a Russian invasion.
Russian and Ukrainian civilians are still crossing the border, daily, in both directions. Ukrainian militia units train right in the firing range of Russian artillery, without a worry in the world. There has never been a notion, anywhere, that Putin was going to actually follow through on his bluster. The people here have heard it often enough that the usual response was to take bets on which of his many pre-scripted demands from the West he would make next, and how long it would take the West to throw him the necessary table scraps to shut him up.
But this time, a US President said it.
So now, when Jiǔ Bèndàn claims that undisclosed "reliable intelligence (like he knows anything about being reliable or intelligent)" pinned down the exact date that Putin had, allegedly, decided to invade, NOW the people of Ukraine were terrified. Business ground to a halt. Bank branches found it difficult to function as their systems were overloaded. And it wasn't cyberwarfare, it was just too damned many withdrawals and transfer requests to process.
Well isn't that ironic? After years saying Russia would try and destabilize Ukraine, the one who caused panic and chaos in the streets of Kharkiv (and from what I hear it is the same way in Poltava, Kherson and Odessa) was Joe, fucking, Biden!
Well Putin is laughing his ass off. Know why? Because his entire narrative through the entire crisis has been "Russia has no intention of invading and it is the West that is filled with paranoia and war hysteria," and from the moment Jiǔ Bèndàn made that prediction, all Putin had to do to make the Biden Administration look like a bunch of chimps (no, I didn't misspell "chumps;" I meant what I damned well typed) while they prove him right, was to sit on his ass and let the day pass quietly.
And the result?
Loud and insistent voices continue to demand that we declare eternal enmity toward Moscow. They tell us that the clumsy Russian bear is our most dangerous adversary, and that it must be beaten down and brought to heel. There are many problems with this overblown analysis... The present fixation with Russia, which does not pose a deadly threat to America and the West, unnecessarily distracts us from the one country that does.
-Stephen W. Mosher, Bully of Asia p. 5
Well, the entire world (most especially the citizens of Eastern Ukraine) are now pissed at Jiǔ Bèndàn for conjuring up an imaginary threat in order to fuel his administration's narrative of "Forget China! Russia is a threat," while he quietly accepts Chinese money and turns a blind eye toward Chinese aggression against allies (allies who, unlike Ukraine, actually have treaties with us that bind us to protect them).
One must ask, "what did he stand to gain from this?" Well for one thing, by focusing on Russia, Jiǔ Bèndàn takes attention off of his well-documented business partners, the Chinese Communist Party (Forsythe et. al., Lipton et. al., BBC Staff). For another, he gets domestic praise from the protohominids that vote for him. By claiming there was an "imminent Russian invasion," he is then able to claim he is the reason that this imagined "invasion" never happens. "I stared down the Russian bear and made him back off," he will tell his troglodytic electorate, and the average Democrat is stupid enough that they will buy it. But the biggest thing Jiǔ Bèndàn hopes to accomplish, I think, is to provoke exactly the invasion he is predicting. This would serve his interests in two ways.
For one thing, it would give him credibility. See, the only thing Jiǔ Bèndàn had in the 2020 farce of an election that could even be remotely considered a "campaign platform" sounded like the Pentagon in the 1980's made a parody of The Brady Bunch: "All I hear about is Russia, Russia, Russia!" Kind of ironic, isn't it? The cult political party whose own messiah, Barack Obama, mocked Mitt Romney in 2012 for calling Russia "our greatest threat," spent every day from 2016 until the present screaming that Russia is our greatest threat (3).
Anyway, for lack of any meaningful platform, the entire Democrat Party built their 2020 campaigns upon the myths about Donald Trump being in collusion with Russia {which are soundly debunked by the Durham Report(2), a report so catastrophic to the DNC's narrative that their pet media sources are already going into overdrive to pre-emptively call it "illegitimate (Skolnik)" before it is even made public, and claim it was "tainted" by not being under the control of the Biden Administration from its inception (Protectdemocracy.org Staff)}.
But for another...
What better assurances could he have that the Burisma scandal will be covered up completely, than for everyone who knows of it to be killed by the Russian Army? Has everyone forgotten the Burisma Scandal? Let's review. At-the-time-Vice-President Joe Biden blackmailed Ukraine's president to give Hunter Biden a 6-figure job on the board of directors at a nationalized gas firm called Burisma, threatening to withhold financial aid if this was not done. When Hunter Biden became involved in a series of criminal behaviors (crack and prostitutes were involved), a special prosecutor was appointed to investigate Hunter Biden (HSGAC Report). Joe Biden himself rather openly admitted that he blackmailed Ukraine AGAIN by threatening to withhold financial aid if this prosecutor was not fired (WSJ Video). And remember, when Donald Trump learned of this and made a phone call to the president of Ukraine recommending he look into the matter (CNN Staff), the Democrat-controlled-media called THAT a "quid-pro-quo," and Pelosi and Schumer filed articles of impeachment citing Trump (rather than Biden) for what they called "abuse of power." How about that hypocrisy?
Well, Trump was acquitted of course, and the matter has continued to haunt Jiǔ Bèndàn ever since.
So here is the position Jiǔ Bèndàn is in. He has built both his campaign and his administration on a witch hunt for Russian "threats" while pocketing money from China. He is in constant danger of being exposed as a fraud by basically anyone in the Ukrainian government, a government he has bullied and blackmailed for more than a decade now. Nothing would suit his purposes better than to provoke a Russian invasion of Ukraine, an invasion in which everyone who has dirt on him would die under Russian guns, and his Russophobic fearmongering would become self-fulfilling enough that he could thump his chest and say "see? I-I-I-I... uh... I told you, that... that... you know, the Russians were going to-to-to... uh, you know... do the thing. I mean... this is a big fucking deal."
Now Don't Get It Twisted
I'm not saying Putin gets a free pass. He's been a bully, he's been manipulative, and he has plainly broken international law (10 facts). Even if he hasn't started a war, he put the world in a situation where a tiny miscalculation (and oh, has anyone ever excelled at miscalculating quite the way Jiǔ Bèndàn does?) will launch a full-scale war that has the potential to go nuclear. In short he rolled a powder keg to the border where the Russosphere meets the West...
...But nobody except Jiǔ Bèndàn has a match.
If it explodes, the world needs to remember both of those facts.
So I re-iterate. There, won't, fucking, BE, a war here...
...unless Joe, fucking, Biden STARTS one.
Ходімо, Брендоне!!!
(It's Ukrainian, ace. Look it up)
Footnotes
(1) 酒 (Pinyin: jiǔ) is Chinese for "wine," and 笨蛋 (Pinyin: Bèndàn), is Chinese for "idiot." All-in-all, I am hard-pressed to think of a more perfect name for Beijing-Biden, the dimwitted, geriatric, Chinese-controlled twit currently sitting in the office his puppeteers used artificial mail-in ballots and mass voter fraud to put him into.
(2) Not to be confused with Lord Durham's Report, an 1839 document which was roughly the same thing to Canada that Thomas Paine's Common Sense was to America.
(3) They justified this delusional claim by insisting Russia somehow rigged the 2016 election despite a glorious dearth of any evidence, though it's funny how they switched gears in 2020 and suddenly insisted elections couldn't be hacked and that it was "treason" to imply the 2020 election with all its utterly unverified mail-in ballots and its complete mire of shady circumstances, had been rigged.
Works Cited
"10 facts you should know about russian military aggression against Ukraine." Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine. 19 Dec 2019. Web. 20 Feb, 2022. https://mfa.gov.ua/en/10-facts-you-should-know-about-russian-military-aggression-against-ukraine
BBC Staff. "Hunter Biden: What was he doing in China and Ukraine?." BBC. 6 Apr, 2021. Web. 16 Feb, 2022.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-54553132
CNN Staff. Read Trump's phone conversation with Volodymyr Zelensky. 26 Sep, 2019. Web. 16 Feb, 2022. https://edition.cnn.com/2019/09/25/politics/donald-trump-ukraine-transcript-call/index.html
Forsythe, Michael; Lipton; Eric; & and Searcey, Dionne. "How Hunter Biden’s Firm Helped Secure Cobalt for the Chinese." New York Times. 20 Nov, 2021. Web. 16 Feb, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/20/world/hunter-biden-china-cobalt.html
HSGAC Report. Hunter Biden, Burisma, and Corruption: The Impact on U.S. Government Policy and Related Concerns. U.S. Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs. https://www.hsgac.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/HSGAC_Finance_Report_FINAL.pdf
Lipton, Eric; Vogel, Kenneth P.; & Haberman, Maggie. "Questions and Answers About the Bidens and a Deal in China." New York Times. 25 Oct, 2020. Web. 16 Feb, 2020. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/25/us/politics/bidens-china.html
Martin, David; Brennan, Margaret; O'Keefe, Ed & Cook, Sara. "U.S. says Russian invasion of Ukraine could begin "at any time"." CBS News.11 Feb, 2022. Web. 15 Feb, 2022. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/russia-ukraine-invasion-any-time/
McFarland, K.T. "Why is Biden warning a Russian invasion of Ukraine is imminent? And what if Putin calls his bluff?." Fox News. 11 Feb, 2022. Web. 15 Feb, 2022. https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/biden-russian-invasion-ukraine-putin
Mosher, Stephen W. Bully of Asia. Washington, 2017. Regnery.
ISBN 978-1-62157-696-9
Protectdemocracy.org Staff. "Memo - The illegitimacy of the coming “Durham report”." Protectdemocracy.org. "https://protectdemocracy.org/resource-library/document/memo-the-illegitimacy-of-the-coming-durham-report/
Schifrin, Nick. ".
. Accessed 15 Feb, 2022.https://twitter.com/nickschifrin/status/1492214102630019072?s=20&t=K2Jj_oJp1Z0TiIDJVrosNA
- nickschifrin
Skolnik, Joe. "Right-wing media's latest "bombshell" — the Durham report — is a nothingburger." Salon. 15 Feb, 2022. Web. 16 Feb, 2022. https://www.salon.com/2022/02/15/right-wing-medias-latest-bombshell--the-durham-report-is-a-nothingburger/
Ward, Alexander & Forgey, Quint. "Putin could attack Ukraine on Feb. 16, Biden told allies." Politico. 11 Feb, 2022. Web. 15 Feb, 2022. https://www.politico.com/newsletters/national-security-daily/2022/02/11/putin-could-attack-ukraine-on-feb-16-biden-told-allies-00008344
WSJ Video Staff. "Opinion: Joe Biden Forced Ukraine to Fire Prosecutor for Aid Money." Wall Street Journal. 23 Sep, 2019. Web. 16 Feb, 2022. https://www.wsj.com/video/opinion-joe-biden-forced-ukraine-to-fire-prosecutor-for-aid-money/C1C51BB8-3988-4070-869F-CAD3CA0E81D8.html