It wasn't like I woke up one day to find I'd lost my mind, or worse, my ambition. However, turning 50 has a way to wreaking havoc with traditional ways of thinking and viewing success and more importantly for me, my relationship with fear.
From the outside, I looked 'mostly' successful I suppose. I am lucky enough to have an amazing, healthy 11-year old son and a very offbeat dog that we adore (although he dislikes anyone but the two of us). I own my own home and car and had a good job in technology sales. The only thing potentially missing was a partner.
Ring, Ring.....It's Existential Crisis Calling
Wait, I'm turning how old? And then, a floodgate opened and through it came a torrent of emotion, memories, joy, sadness, dreams, missed opportunities and everything in-between and all of it was individually wrapped in thorns of steel. I thought I should run. That initial knee jerk reaction didn't carry me far without a few cuts, bruises and about 10 extra pounds. Cue in desserts, food indulgences and beer.....oh the IPA's and subsequent bloating!
Through the months of indulgence, a new spark began. It was an occasional flicker at first, then grew to become a flame that burns bright inside me most every day now. That flame helped me make one of the best life decisions ever: waving goodby to a 6-figure income and hello to freedom.
Flipping off 50
As that flame grew, fear began abating while I simultaneously began adventuring. Initially, I kept my job and continued being one the top reps in a very male dominated company. I kept stepping outside my comfort zone by taking on both little and big ventures, but I also kept the pedal pressed hard on my indulgences. It was, in retrospect, my way of flipping off 50. And, at the time, flipping it off felt royal.
So, what does this have to do with going from a 6-figure income to no income? I'm glad you asked, I need to keep my focus! If you haven't read my last blog post, in it I share details about this process. I reinvigorated my meditation practice in January, a whole six months after turning 50, to search for an answer to 'What Next?' I was done with the indulgence phase, having exchanged bad food for clean eating, IPA for water (admission: only 95% of the time with IPA), debaucherous dating for daily meditation, and my largely sedentary lifestyle for an active on.
During that initial 90-day mediation phase, which I usually did in my IR sauna, I found what I was searching for and shortly after that, I engineered a way to make it happen.
Open the Curtains and Start Living
I shared with a friend what I wanted to do and that to do it, I'd need to take a sabbatical. Not the kind of sabbatical that lasts 90 days and then you return to your old job. I'm talking about the kind of sabbatical where you fund it yourself, quit your job and give yourself a defined period of time to engineer rough ideas into a full fledged business. That friend suggested, understandably so, that I take two to three years to save money, moonlight on the business while working full time and then execute. This was all the motivation I needed. The idea of waiting 24 to 36 months was torture and my answer was a resounding Fuck No!
I knew with everything in my soul that I needed to take a sabbatical. I trusted the universe to help guide me through manifesting the sabbatical before my 51st birthday. Trusting the universe is fucking powerful and handing over decisions to a greater power, however you might define 'greater power,' even more so. I did that. I had already flipped off 50, now I flipped off waiting, I flipped off fear and I embraced what the universe had in store for me. Next thing I knew, I had exactly what I needed to fund a full 8 months off. Thank YOU universe! I do believe and I know as deeply as I know anything that this is solely due to recognizing that if something is meant to happen, that if I put in the work I need to put in and if I hand over the rest to the infinite, then those curtains blocking everything are not just going to open, they will be ripped down, shredded even, leaving a clear view into an alive world of living.
I Live on a 'Budget' and I Love it
It's been two months now today and I could not be any happier. Each day I awake knowing I've done the right thing. Each morning, I get up, make my bed, have my bulletproof coffee and then start making shit happen.
I don't have job stress creating pains in my body, I don't have work keeping me from spending time with my son, I don't have excuses for not living the life of my dreams or pursuing my own business. I have only myself to hold accountable and at times, that can be intense (who doesn't want to blame outside circumstances or other people for our own failures!) but it is bliss. This happiness I created but realize I could feel the same no matter my circumstances if I choose to live my passion, follow my heart and let go of everything that doesn't matter. That felt good to type!
Want to know what I'm working on? Keep following my blog where I will begin sharing on my businesses and my ventures in-between.