I have no idea what I'm doing here.
These photos might say it best.
That longing for the past. For joy. A
past
that never existed. a future that will never exist. I have no photos from the Stone Age before cell phones and computers. no video? it never happened
the past before you had to be a millionaire to even sleep in peace here. before every inch of dirt had a billion dollar pile of shit on it
I can't say if it ever existed for me. I was here. I went to the Beach and ran and dug holes and built castles and swam in the waves Threw sand Was I free and happy... Did it ever exist The hell of family the hell of growing up and trying trying trying trying to measure up to perform to be someone something to make money to have a girlfriend to have a family of my own an artist not artist to artists a surfer not surfer to surfers a jock but not athletic love guitar but no good to musicians never enough not tall enough not smart enough not happy enough not strong enough not ruthless enough wanted to plant gardens but there's no water tear it up plant dirt instead live in a car live on the street no air conditioning you don't need it here it's a mediterranean climate hotter than hell travel no no money no friends can't afford glasses can't see can't afford health insurance don't get sick no one will touch me ever again because I have to pay them no value apart what I give give it all away away for nothing
fit in shut your mouth don't complain it could be worse writers be praised I can't write don't want to do you like me now of course not leave the crazies alone
"You ran with your pals in the sun. You turned around and they were gone. Again"