True human betrayal and deception is perhaps one of the most painful emotional wounds one can occur in life.
It comes in all shapes and forms and usually from the most unexpected sources. But when it comes -
It cuts deep.
The year was 2013. I had left a career in Mechanical Engineering and followed my heart that had told me to pursue something that was more inline with my soul. So, I took a leap and dropped out of the industry to study a degree in Music at Southbank University, London England.
During this time, my studies ended up being mainly into my own spirituality, leading me to a much richer and greater understanding of this Universe and the mechanics of Life itself through the experiences I created and the teachers that were sent to me during this time.
One particular teacher that came my way during this period taught me a very powerful lesson I know I’ll never forget…
And it’s a lesson I’d like to share with you all today.
An upward spiral of elevation and conscious creation.
It was the time in my life where I began to discover - or rather remember - my own power. I came to realize that I had much more control over myself - my emotions, my believes, my reality, my life - than I had ever realized before.
My days were spent reading inspiring books on spirituality, composing music and expressing my soul through sounds, and staying up late most nights of the week exploring alterations in my own body chemistry, boldly and excitedly discovering new psychedelic realms that would change my life and my thinking forever…
I was questioning one night how to focus my passions toward some sort of higher purpose. I was sparked that night with the inspiration to start an online record label. This would be the greatest online record label the world had ever seen, curating and distributing the finest underground and unheard music that the world had to offer - free for everyone - forever.
It was a spark in my mind that quickly combusted into a roaring inferno.
I had the momentum and I was ready to go.
^^ I instantly set to work, coming up with a name and logo design. This would be the top banner for the Bandcamp page that would host the music and allow others to download it free of charge.
Already I knew that The Universe was behind me and would give me everything I needed to make this all flow.
I had absolutely no doubt - now I had decided on a plan of action, everything would soon be magically falling into place before my very eyes.
All the resources,
The inspiration,
The helpers,
The supporters,
The guiders,
The teachers…
It was all just waiting for me.
and it’s during this time that this wolf in sheep's clothing happened to come knocking at my door.
Meet my new best friend and first avid supporter of Magic Find Recollection - Dan.
My first plan of action was to make a website to host the music. I devised a name that night - ‘Magic Find Recollection’ - This would be a place where magic would be found, contained within the powerful selection of music hosted and openly shared there.
After a super-charged night of inspiration and excitement, the very next day my good friend Jody comes round completely out of the blue. Of course, within minutes I’m relaying my intentions and passion for this brand new project I’ve just devised. I tell him I’m about to make a new website as soon as possible.
"Amazing! I know just the man. Our friend Dan is an absolute WIZARD on the WEB.
He could have something knocked up for you that will blow your socks off
before you even know what’s happened!"
I smiled and prayed, and gave thanks to the Universe for so promptly sending this first required resource directly my way.
I don’t believe in coincidences - right then I knew that Dan was going to be the perfect man for the job.
Blind trust - Beautiful but Dangerous.
So I called Dan that day. I called him and I told him all about who I was and the great plans I had for this new, revolutionary online record label.
I was overwhelmed with the response I got.
Not only was the man obviously a tech genius, but he had so many amazing ideas to add to my already high-flying mind, and offered me a level of encouragement, support and praise that I’d never received from a stranger before.
After the electric exchange during that call, the next call was to my dear Mother.
"Hey Mum! Guess what… I’m starting my own record label… It’s going to be amazing!
I know you’ll love it. But to get me going… I need a website. I’ve found the PERFECT MAN
whose already working on it, and I wanted to ask if you might be able to lend me
the £500 fee that he charges. This is going to be BIG and it won’t be long at all
before I’ve got that and more to repay back to you."
She could feel my excitement, and is one of the most loving and supportive Mothers I could ever have asked for - So of course the answer was yes.
I made the transfer from her account to his that day, and hours later I had the foundations of my new website up and ready to share. I was blown away by Dan's speed and efficiency. The website looked beautiful...
Wow! That was a lot accomplished right there in 24 hours… This is all expanding much faster and easier than I ever expected.
Don’t forget to Expect the Unexpected.
As the weeks went on, Dan and I became really good friends, really quickly. We spoke most days on the phone about the website, adjustments, ideas, progress, movement, and how we would continue to push things forward.
I really felt beyond any doubt that God had sent me a true angel to support me on my holy mission to bring exceptional quality, underground music producers to the forefront of the online music scene.
But Not All Angels Have Wings and Halos.
Within around 2 weeks of knowing Dan, he approached me with a proposition over a home-cooked meal I’d prepared for us both in my house one evening.
See it turns out Dan wasn’t just a weaver-of-websites, but he also drew and wrote his own comic books, short stories, dark humor comic-strips and novellas. He showed me examples and told me of how he’s been writing for years. His proposition was, that if I was able to lend him £3000, he would finally be able to publish his works and make his dreams come true - He’d finally be able to get them into the public space.
In return for my lending of the money, I would in turn receive 50% of everything earned from all sales of of his life’s works, for the rest of my life. Something that he sold to me as a ‘passive income’ that would provide for me for many years to come.
When everything seems to good to be true -
It probably is.
But at this time I was in such a place of trust and gratitude for this man coming in to my life, that I felt compelled to help him any way that I could. The fact that I was being offered an opportunity to create an income for myself whilst helping someone else realize their dreams was just the icing on a very sweet cake.
So… after dinner, it was time to call Mum again.
[Disclaimer / Reminder - I was a student, with little money, but big dreams and aspirations. Although I wasn’t in a position to help him financially, my Mum - who had been forced to sell her second home after a very rocky divorce now had around £60,000 left in her bank to last her the rest of her life, along with her pension - which was supposed to be inheritance money that would one day be split between my 2 older sisters and I. My idea was that, it would be amazing for her to see what I do with that if I was able to use some of my fair share while she was still alive. It seemed to me that doing so would be a gift for everyone involved - Dan gets to make his dreams reality - I get to help him and become wealthy on the way - and my Mum gets to see her money go to good use and also benefit from the prosperity I expected to gain from all this. It seemed so simple and logical in my mind. It was perfect!!!]
After a little more need for persuasion this time round, by the end of the call Mum was on board and had transferred me £3000 - which was then transferred directly to Dan just moments later.
Everybody was happy.
Especially Dan.
Dan left that night, and although on the surface I was elevated to an even higher level of awe and wonder of the magnificent power and guidance of the Universe - Deep within my soul something stirred in a different direction.
Changing Tides
As the following weeks passed my contact with Dan seemed to steadily decrease.
He was saved in my phone as ‘Dan the Man with the Master Plan’ - Little did I know just how fitting the affectionate nickname I’d given him really was.
Before long, it was very hard to get an answer over the phone.
My e-mails stopped being returned.
I guessed he was just extremely busy working on my website, the publishing plans for his books, and everything else he’d told me he had on his busy schedule.
But still, the underlying feeling of uneasiness I was trying to ignore persisted.
Soon - It had been over a month since I’d heard a single peep from him.
Still.. I was in denial.
I was CERTAIN that the Universe would not let something so devastating happen to me and my inheritance money that Mum had so kindly lent me. My intentions were too pure and too good… It’s just not possible that I would have been deceived and lied to in my own home by this man, Dan, my greatest supporter and most valued partner.
That feeling in my gut must surely be wrong.
Shame, Remorse, Regret and Guilt - Heavy Burdens to Bare.
In the following months I eventually and reluctantly came to many harsh realizations abut the situation I was now in.
Then one day, after a long and painful period of uncertainty, Dan did soon give me a glimmer of hope when he finally responded to one of my calls.
I’d never been so happy to hear his voice before.
He agreed to come over and explain what had happened since we last spoke.
The Sob Story
When he arrived, he filled me in. He told me of his toxic ex-wife and her hell-bent determination to separate him from his son - who he told me was his only reason for living and continuing to pursue some sort of success in life and in his career. He told me how she’d upped and left, escaped to the countryside to take their son to the refuge of her parents house, and emptied their shared bank account in the process.
Of course!!
Suddenly it all made sense. I KNEW I could trust this guy all along! I kicked myself for letting my doubts and fears get the better of me. Dan needed my help and support during this time - now more than ever! No wonder he’d been so distant... Who wouldn’t be in a situation like his?
That day I sent him away with one of my mobile phones. I had stupidly taken out a second contract so that I could get a new ‘Business Phone’ for the new record label, and now had the burden of a second bill. He had no phone for communication, or so he said, and it seemed perfect that he take the second contract off my hand - A Samsung Smartphone that cost me £40 a month - and I offered that if he paid half of that Id be happy for him to take it and relieve myself of half the financial burden in the meantime.
I was giving in every way I could, still with utmost faith that everything would turn out okay.
Living in Denial.
After that day… I never saw Dan again.
As months went by it soon became painfully obvious what had happened. The shame, the guilt, the regret, the remorse, the feeling of utter foolishness and blind selfishness - they all attacked me at once in a outright onslaught.
What Had I Done???!
Before long, this would drive a divide through my family that caused a war that would almost tear us apart.
In the next few days, my lovely new £500 website was offline.
Dan had escaped with £3,500 of my Mother’s money and a £400 phone - and I had a funny feeling that the £40 a month contract fees that accompanied it were not going to be shared between Dan and I as we’d agreed.
What a fool.
Lessons Learned the Hard Way.
As myself and my family began to come to terms with the grim reality of the situation, tensions rose.
Over the coming months I faced so much conflict - both internally and externally. Both my sisters were enraged that a big chunk of our inheritance money had been so freely given away to a complete stranger.
Through speaking with one other mutual friend that had known Dan a long time - it turns out he was still up to no good. Most recently an elderly lady had called the police on him after he was hired to fix a virus on her computer and ended up emptying her Paypal account out. This obviously wasn't a one-off - It was now so painfully clear to see that Dan knew how to plan a good con -
A Master of Manipulation.
I was in a place of deep regret, self-hate and crippling guilt for how easily I’d been played. I was a student in great amounts of debt, with a hope and a dream that had been shattered - the falling shards of which caused deep wounds to the ones I love most as they tumbled toward the cold, hard ground.
I was devastated.
But I knew there must be something to learn from all this.
Finding the Silver Lining around the greyest of clouds.
I asked for what that was - that silver lining. I looked for it and soon began to notice something that I felt could be the true teaching in all this.
I began to realize that this was given to me as an opportunity to practice something extremely powerful and healing.
Finding Forgiveness is the only Path to Truth.
I realized that if I wanted to move forward and get myself through this whole disaster - I was going to have to learn how to Forgive.
Firstly, I had to forgive Dan.
Because if Dan, what seemed like a totally honest and decent man, all along actually had this master plan to betray me - If he was willing to come into my house, deceive me into feeling like his family, break bread with me, share dreams with me, all with the intention of weaving a web of lies and deceit that would enable him to so easily steal from me…
Well if he’s prepared to do all that then damn… He must REALLY NEED that money more than me and my family do I guess.
He must be in such a low place of depression and desperation that actually, perhaps the Universe had brought him to me - this trusting and loving, yet careless and blind fool - in his most dire time of need.
This way… I could almost feel like I’d done a good deed.
So I soon realised that in order to heal and begin the process of closing the deep cuts that had been opened - The first step was to forgive him.
So I composed an e-mail, one last final message that I hoped he would hear. I confronted him and revealed that I had finally accepted what had truly happened here. I made it clear that although I didn’t agree that his actions were moral, or right, or acceptable - I did understand that he must be in a desperate place to have carried them out. Because I understood that, I told him that I forgave him. I told him that he never has to pay that money back to me and that although I’ve forgiven him, I never wanted to associate with someone who would act that way ever again. I wished him luck on his onward journey in life and pleaded that perhaps he search for other ways to try and turn his luck around in life, in love and in money. I stressed there were other ways to do it that didn’t include manipulating, lying and deceiving other innocent human beings.
After that - I had the harder part to do -
I had to Forgive Myself.
That was the real challenge here. To be able to truly seal the deal and fully heal this throbbing gash, I was going to have to forgive myself for letting the whole thing happen so willingly and easy.
And man that was tough.
Your Angels Are Always Near.
With time, I got there. I found true forgiveness for myself for being so trusting with Dan. I found forgiveness for losing a huge chunk of my Mother’s money, now knowing none of us would ever see it again. I found forgiveness for myself for being so high and letting altered states of chemistry in my body cloud my mind and obscure my judgement.
I found forgiveness.
Soon I recognized that although he seemed like a devil, Dan was just another Angel that had been sent to me in life. An angel that came with many important life lessons that would change the course of the rest of my life, and equip me with a new tool for my onward journey...
The Power of Forgiveness.
My hope is that now, perhaps after reading this, somehow it will change the course of yours too.
Thank you for reading.
With love
Hart Floe
♥
BONUS For people that read down to here -
During the time in between accepting reality, I worked tirelessly day and night to continue to build the free music collections to host for the record label.
Thankfully to this day, everything I ever did is still available for Free Download from bandcamp.
Each album had custom designed artwork and writing that accompanied a carefully selected arrangement of top quality music from unknown Soundcloud producers all over the world.
So if you into your music, perhaps you may enjoy checking it out!