March 15, 2018
8:05 AM
Why is this happening to me? thought Kat as she looked at the number of comments on her Steemit posts. I don't promote myself. Steemit is just a game where people try to compete for cryptocurrency. All I wanted to do is have an audience, I didn't want to go and be rich, already. But I did want to make some money on the site. It seems like I won't make any. So I guess this is it. Kat looked at her one upvote on all her posts. Well, at least I have 1 person who likes me, she thought. Better keep posting.
Kat had thoughts about all the weird things she ever did. Like having sex with herself. Like what she did last night. Kat bought a whole bunch of food items like whipped cream and icing and placed them on her skin. She licked them off, thinking that her husband was doing it. No, Kat was never married. Who would marry a schizophrenic, anyway? One like me, she thought. She couldn't do oral on herself, but she could lick her arms and her breasts, and that's what she did. It was not as fun as she would have hoped.
Kat went to bed that night mildly placated, but disappointed she hadn't orgasmed. She'd masturbated beforehand but to no avail. Kat had just gotten a new roommate, someone she knew from when she used to go to program. She didn't trust this girl. It seemed like she just told people what she thought they wanted to hear. Not the truth. Kat vowed to tell the truth and only the truth as far as she could tell. Even if it was ugly, and most of the time, it was not attractive at all.
Kat vowed that she would never do anything to placate others, no matter what. They who had called her schizophrenic, who had shunned her and her ways. Even if she remained poor her whole life, at least she stayed true to herself and did not sell out. She was going to be an individual, and to that end, she would do only what spoke to her as something she should do, for only she would tell her what she should do. She, Kat Walker, was her own guiding star.
She couldn't delete the account, so she would use it to post whatever she felt was in her heart. The worst that could happen was that no one read her posts. And that really was not so bad. Not so bad at all. Even if her rep went down to 0, she could still post, right? What a useless account, anyway. Kat hated social media and had only joined Steemit because it seemed like a different platform where she could really be heard. Like that was real. It just wasn't. And I'm supposed to comment, thought she, on posts that don't interest me. Nothing here interests me. I looked, and didn't find anything. I'll keep looking, but it's not paying me.
The time neared 8:30 as she pondered her circumstances. No one would ever love her, but here's what she would do: (1) Forget about the idiots who said she had self-esteem issues, anger issues, emotional issues and whatnot (2) Forget about the dweebs who scoffed at her attempts to be something more than her constant labels (3) Forget about her diagnosis (4) Brush her teeth more often! (5) Clean her room, or rather, purge it (6) Do work for Joe every day (7) Be creative on Steemit, as much as possible (8) Watch Passive Brain Fitness videos at least once in the morning, and once at night, but no more than 3 times a day (9) Go out as often as possible, even if it was just to the library (10) Take her meds, and never skip a dose (11) Find other ways to make money.
Kat Walker thought about her website idea and her book idea that she'd had years ago, as well as her idea to make DTube videos. Nothing was stopping her from doing these things. Indeed, nothing was stopping her.