Roughly 6 years ago I made a mistake. I knew, at the time, it was a mistake but elected to ignore all the signs and signals. More recently, the mistake came back to bite me and I’m feeling the ramifications. However, even I am surprised by the way I am managing this mistake. I am experiencing growth and opportunity and, dare I say, self compassion. What? I am certain I am supposed to be feeling guilt and shame and spend countless hours on the therapy couch, reviewing all the ways that I could have avoided the error. Throughout the aftermath of this mistake, I am learning to dig deep, cut myself some slack and explore corners of my universe that I didn’t even know existed. I figured that I am having such an amazing growth spurt through this whole thing and that others might benefit from their own mistakes too. Here are some tips for rolling through your biggest blunders with greater ease:
One door closes, another opens. From the ashes of this disaster, I am creating so much incredible opportunity for myself. I am considering it a reboot. It is weirdly refreshing to have the error out in the open and no longer hanging around like a dark cloud or even worse, a toxic secret. A metamorphosis is occurring. I lived in my cocoon as if in avoidance but coming out, and into the light, I can finally spread my wings. By examining the past, I can create new and improved ways of connecting to others, growing revenue, and expressing myself.
Learning from mistakes. Hiding behind a historical mistake or being afraid to make mistakes creates a fear that is so limiting. Most mistakes are just that, mistakes. We think it is ok in the moment, act on our impulse and later have regret or even worse. Take a minute to really review a mistake. Pull it apart, discover the motivation behind your action or choice, hold yourself accountable. Ask yourself these questions:
What drove that action or choice, is that drive or motivation a healthy force?
Can you see your role in the mistake and own up to it in order to best not go down that path in the future?
What is the lesson and how can your review of this error help you to heal?
Model. I always remember to model behavior, actions, etc for my kids during both the good and the bad times. Often, people will tell me that they don’t want to let their kids see them cry or get angry. I remind them that this is how our kids learn to express themselves. We all feel sad, angry, worried, frustrated...I haven’t met the human without these basic emotions. It is totally appropriate for to you to cry or get upset during a difficult time, or whenever you feel the need. Modeling how you express yourself, resolve situations, engage with others, accept support, etc is all part of the job when it comes to parenting or adulting. This is how our youth learn from us and how the world learns to engage with us. Be forthcoming with your feelings so that others will learn how you want them to interact with you.
Sometimes, I ask clients how they would advise their friend or loved one that may be going through a similar situation. You won’t be surprised to know that most often we encourage our loved ones to show themselves some compassion. Practice this gesture. Treat yourself as you would treat others, give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack. A little self-forgiveness can go a long way.