Alive or Living

HOLA AMIGOS!!!

Yesterday, err early this morning, I made post of ramblings. I had something to say. Something to share. But I just couldn't get the words to come out just right. And to be honest, I probably never will.

The past few months I have been not myself. I have drifted away from my spatially. And away from my joy, and my joy is being here, right here in this seat talking to you. Not here in this seat and thinking about tomorrow or the argument I had with a lady at my gfs work 2 months ago. My life is here. With you, my GF, and our furbabies. I know that tomorrow we have to go to the DR for a follow up to her surgery. But I am not thinking about that or what we are going to do when we get to town. I am not thinking of that because that time may just not come. I am not guaranteed to finish this here post and you are not guaranteed to even finish reading it for that matter. A train could fall from the sky and land on my head. We don't know.

I live here and now. However, like I stated in the previous paragraph I have drifted from being alive and gone to just living. I live in a BEAUTIFUL area in California. I am just 45 minutes from the Yosemite Valley floor.

This past weekend I went with a friend of mine to a local swimming hole so he could be with his son. His son passed away about three months ago. The boy wanted to be cremated and his ashes laid to rest there. We swam a bit, drank a few beers, and talked alot. My buddy wondered why would his son wanted to be laid to rest at that spot. I offered this to him...

"Brother. I believe it’s because this place holds memories, like the ones you and I were sharing on our way back here. The ones you are sharing with me about him now. Maybe because this place is unmolested by technology and noise and pollution. It’s serene. I mean its freaking beautiful brother. Shoot this is literally my back yard. People come HERE to get away. To vacation. Maybe that’s why he wanted to be laid here because he knew as the river flows from here he too would get away. He probably isn’t here. He is where ever the river took him. Shoot could be just down a few feet. Some of him here some of him there. But one thing is for certain bro. His energy is right her with us right now. And his energy will be flowing in you as long as you are alive and you will pass that energy on to others as well. Shit its alive in me now for you allowing me to share in this experience with you."

We held each other like old friends would in a time like that. I have known this man since I was 19 yrs. old. His ex-wife and mine went to school their whole lives together. His three kids and mine are all the same age. My ex-wife and I got married and not long after that him and his ex-got married. I wanted him to be my best man, he said no. I asked him to come to the wedding and the prick flaked on me. And I can vividly remember driving down the hill to to his wedding and said ya know what fuck that pick he flaked on us. Then realized 2 wrongs don’t make a right and at the reception he thanked me for coming and I gave him so much shit. The reason I told that part is so ya could get a feel of how emotional it was for two hard ass men like us would have been. I want to talk more about our friendship now. But I Won’t

I guess what I was saying there is that. This past Saturday out at that swimming hole I was actually alive. My energy, my thoughts, my spirituality were flowing through me like 1.21 gigawatts of electricity!!! And that brought me to the future which is right here right now.

Too often than not we are all just going through the motions of life. Waking up, coffee, shower, brushing teeth, commute to work. Rinse and repeat. How often while you’re driving, doesn’t matter where to or from work or vacation, Grandmas house whatever do you notice yourself just day dreaming or in a fog. That’s not being here that's your mind being somewhere else. . At work your mind drifts as you have done the same task a gajillion times. We are wasting our lives. Going to work to a job you hate because you got these effn bills to pay. Ya can’t quit because you never make the money at the new place like ya do here. FUCK THAT. LIVE your life. Go do what you want to do with YOUR LIFE. ITS YOURS OWN IT. Just like you joining the hive. It’s your information and you own that shit. You can figure the bills out. You can make sacrifices. You don’t need to drift off into parts unknown to escape this reality you are in!!

I am feeling the power now. Know what this magic I speak of is? This magic of being alive? I call it the art of not giving a fuck. And when you add mindfulness to this magic it is liberating!!! If you read the post I made prior to this you will kind of understand cuz my story telling goes wildly wrong. But I said I gave up on caring what people thought about what I do or say or where I go wtf ever. IDGAF!!

I went to prison at the beginning of '17. I was looking at 21 years. But I got only three. This is still a long freaking time. Lemme tell ya. While in prison I read a lot. Not shit to mush my mind. But books on spirituality, relationships, art, history, shit that I enjoyed more than stories about gun fights, or romance, or fantasy. I did read a grip of those as well though.

SOURCE

But I knew as soon as the cuffs hit my wrist I needed a change in my life and this was it. I was in tune with the universe. The universe told me I needed a time out and the only place that someone like me would get that was prison. I say it is like how Native Americans go on a spirt journey. That’s what the universe did for me. I accepted that. And I knew what I had to do. The universe knew that 21 years was way too long but made sure I knew that, This thing that created me and I created my chaos knew that I needed to break that cycle because I am it and it is me. Just as I see you as a part of me and I am part of you. We are all connected. And with that we need to celebrate in our creation and not live the zombie life but the life that creation has made us to be. CREATORS. To create Joy, and love, and memories to keep alive and to flow on to the next person and the next person and so n and so on.

For 3 years in prison I meditated throughout the day, but I always had my first one to start the day before everyone else was awake. Even in a shit hole prison in the middle of the desert in Arizona I was happy. I had a moment, 3 actually of enlightenment. Now we can go on and on over this and I will if you want to discuss it. But I had 3 moments of enlightenment. The first was while I was meditating I surrendered to myself and said to myself "ya know what you are an alcoholic." I felt this weight, and I am not shitting you here, lift off of me. I felt this other me, this energy, spirit, I dunno lift off and away. I felt lighter, I felt fantastic!! The ting of it is, I wasn’t an alcoholic. That was just the opinions of other people. I had heard it for years. See. I work hard and I play hard. When I am not working, back then anyway, if I want working more often than not I was drinking a beer. Always had a beer in my hand. So peeps said I was an alcoholic. Fk em. I knew I wasn’t but the moment I was TRUTHFUL with myself. I felt liberated and new. From the second on I knew my whole life had been a lie. I was just living. Going through the motions. Not giving a fk.

Two books I read, three, while I was down that changed me forever were The Tao Te Ching by Lao Zu,
Manifest Your Destiny and The Power Of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Along many books on Buddhism. My flavor of life right there. This collection of books allowed me to further open myself to the universe and realize I was who I was and I am anything I want to be. Thing is, I have always been that way. And the whole time I was down I reflected my life and forgave myself and accepted my life and treated myself to compassion. And it was beautiful. I have always had a feeling like I’ve been here or there before. And Buddhism reinforced that in me. That’s my take on it not a belief that this philosophy instilled in me. I will go on more about this in coming post.

But here right now. I feel rejuvenated and alive. I can jump up and lick the sun!! Anyway to end this I would like to offer you and exercise to try.

During the day try to be mindful and thoughtful. When you are sitting at the stoplight, or at our desk, or walking down the aisle at the grocery store. If you actually find yourself to drift off bring yourself back. Take a nice big deep breath and look around, look up to the sky. And enjoy that moment. That moment is now gone. But did you live in it or were you alive in it?

#IAmAlive
#Hive
#SelfCare
#CatchAVibe

Have A Happy Day And Don't Forget To Be Awesome!!!

Says,
Yeti