Do you ever feel like holding on so tight that everything seems to drift away? Like grasping water with a fist only to see it run away, then clenching harder for not getting it at all. And harder. I feel like that these days, seeing my path and what it is I need to do but being unable for the life of me to do it.
Or so my ego tells me. Maybe I'm just scared. A little kid, really.
Whoever said extensive studies are supposed to be easy? And growing up for that matter. I am proud that I dove into a life of the unknown and grateful that the universe has supported me for all this time. I am traveling with the love of my life and we have been truly blessed along our path in these weird times.
And yet I am a man and I feel utterly unfulfilled. Not sure whether it is due to my own inability to grasp the oily elusive pig of tangible progress, or whether it is due to not living up to the high standards I set myself, constantly failing to reach them. Ahahaha. Sounds melodramatic but that's what's going on in me these days...
Might be because despite all my efforts in trading the results are out there waiting, unrealized mostly. So I soothe myself with the assurance that I am still learning.
And while all this is going on I am neglecting both my blog and the community. Whine, whine. I have whined so much lately I am quite sick of it. And maybe that's the part about growing up that all this time is necessary for - finally developing the balls to go all out and just do the friggin' thing, not thinking so much and leading more in my life through sheer persistence. I know I am persistent, just that I don't give myself credit for it.
First step is to write again regularly, if only to soothe my inner chaos. Feels good to jot some unnecessary ego babble down, to vent. There are tons of series on this blog that have never been finished. And the realization finally dawns on me that a good trader is not one who constantly spends all his waking hours plowing through charts, but rather to be courageous on the opportunities I see and let a good trade ride for a month or two. That's where I am going.
Recently shaken up as life and the world seem to creep up on us again after a much needed winter break in seclusion. A new family coming to the premises to live here, and spring returning forelighting more travel days on the roads of Eruope. And my ego is throwing a fit ahahahah. "Well ego, what did you expect, this world is full of other human beings and stuff to do, we are travelers after all!"
And so the word of the month seems to be "surrender", again. Just surrender to it man. Let it flow more and try to push less. Tearing at it all has not served me well, only led to me grinding my teeth out on something obviously not meant to be conquered through sheer mind exercises.
Actuality over thinking. Concrete over potential. Persistence over perfection.
So to myself: Read this again and remember when you forgot. A tad bit more of a "don't care attitude" would be a breath of fresh air! If my blog serves nothing else but to remind myself of that in dark heady times it has been worth keeping it alive <3
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